Time to Heal
by CatchingStar
Summary: I never expected to see Catherine Willows in such a bad shape and it angers me that someone has done this to such a beautiful creature. Femslash. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:**

**1)** This fic is based on the episode "Built to Kill, Part 2".  
But althought Catherine is the primary character in the episode, this fic is written in SARA'S POV all the way! I hope you guys like it. I have to say, i love to write this fic.

**2)** I have all the chapters done but I'll wait my super beta to take a look before posting it. So it will take a few days to my next update. Thanks Deb for doing this. You are amazing!!

**3)** Csi characters are not mine.

**4)** And please review! I like to know what you guys think.

*******

I let the water fall against my body washing away the sweat from my early morning run. They have become a ritual for me to help leave work behind especially after the toughest nights. I love feeling the wind in my face as the pale light of dawn breaks, followed by the amazing feeling of hot water cascading over my skin.

Once finished, I turn off the water and grab a towel. I wrap the thin white fabric around me and open the door to the bedroom. I pull on something comfortable and close the blind to block out the strong early morning rays, before finally slipping inside my sheets. I'm exhausted but feeling good at the same time.

No sooner has sleep overtaken me than I am awakened by a noise coming from somewhere. That's one of the problems when you work nights: the only time you get to sleep is when most people are starting to get up! I try to block out the noise by pulling my pillow above my head but it doesn't help. It continues and louder this time. When I enter the living room I realize that the sound is not down to my inconsiderate neighbors, as I thought at first, but someone at my own door - which is strange because it's very early and I sure as hell don't get many visitors at the best of times.

"This is better be good!" I curse before opening the door.

The angry words die in my throat when I see who it is and more specifically take in her appearance. Her arms are crossed in front of her chest in a protective way. She's wearing clothes that just can't be hers firstly, because they are far too large and secondly, because she would never wear those, they do nothing for her beautiful skin. And then there's the very angry-looking bruise on her right cheek.

"Can I come in?" Catherine asks; her voice low and tearful. I nod and open my door further. She steps inside the door and just stands there.

"Um… would you like something to drink? Coffee, water, juice maybe?" I ask, not knowing quite what else to say.

"Water please," comes her barely audible reply.

I nod and go to the kitchen. I never expected to see Catherine Willows, the strongest woman I know, in such a bad way and it angers me that someone has done this to such a beautiful creature. I come back to the living room and find her in the same spot completely lost in her thoughts. I call her name keeping my voice low so as not to startle her.

"I'm sorry. I know you'll be getting ready to sleep after shift but I didn't know where to go," she says, looking up at me. Only now do I see her usually vibrant blue eyes red and sore because of the tears.

"It's ok. I'm glad you came here." I motion for her to sit on the couch and I sit beside her. Not so close to make her feel uncomfortable yet not far away either so she knows I'm right here for her. Catherine and I are not really what you would call friends, though I would very much like us to be. Her hands are shaking so badly that she chooses to put the glass over on the table after a few sips to save from spilling its contents.

"He was waiting in my car," she whispers fixing her gaze on the floor and going silent.

"It's ok Cat. Just take your time ok? I'm not going anywhere, I promise," I say trying to reassure her. She looks at me with a sad smile and a nod. "And if you don't want to talk right now that's ok too." I don't need her to say anything else because deep inside I already know what has happened and my heart has already broken. Catherine surprises me when she continues.

"He made me drive through the city for twenty, twenty five minutes and all the time he had his… gun behind my head, a 9mm. I tried talking to him, reasoning with him, explaining that maybe what he was doing wasn't such a good thing and that it would have consequences, but he wouldn't listen." Though her words are incredibly sad, I have to smile inside. This is my Catherine, always so brave even in the darkest of moments. "Suddenly he asked me to stop and then," she fumbles for her words frowning, "well the next thing I remember I was tied to this filthy old bed and he… he…" Catherine closes her eyes trying to calm herself down but her body has other ideas. She leaps up and sprints in the direction of my bathroom.

In a matter of seconds she has her head down my toilet and I'm trying to hold her hair out of the way while the contents of her stomach empty themselves violently into the pan. I rub her back soothingly with my free hand in an attempt to help her. When it seems she's finished retching, I dampen a flannel and pass it over her forehead and mouth slowly. She doesn't say anything or look at me, just sits on the floor resting her head on the wall.

I fetch her glass of water which Catherine uses to wash out her mouth. I refill it and she sips weakly at it. I can see she is ashamed for being sick in front of me – Catherine hates feeling weak – but leaving her was never an option. So I sit on the floor shuffling closer to her and wait silently.

Catherine finally looks up at me. I smile in response and that's all it takes for more glistening, unshed tears to fall. She leans into me and sobs. Just seeing her like this makes my heart ache desperately.

"It's ok sweetie. Let it out. I've got you. I won't leave you." It took a long time for her shuddering sobs to finally subside as I hold her tightly. My voice is soft as I ask her, "Have you called it in?"

"I went to the hospital but… I…" her voice wavers and she nods as her body starts to tremble, "I… I…"

"Sshh, it's ok, it's ok. You're safe now." I wipe more of her tears away before encouraging her to get up from the cold floor and helping her to my bedroom. She will stay here and there will be no arguing. She sits on the bed and I go and grab the most comfortable pajamas I have. "Ok, arms up."

"What?"

"You will be more comfortable in these." She stares at me for a while but eventually does lift her arms. I kneel in front of her as I pull off the foreign clothes and draw the new soft fabric over her head and down her body. She stands to change into the pants.

"You know, I still can manage this," she whispers her mouth quirking slightly upwards.

"I know you can,"I reply smiling gently at her. Catherine gives me the best smile she can muster under the circumstances and I'm still struck by its beauty. I raise the sheets so she can crawl underneath. Tucking them in around her I sit on the bed beside her. "I'm so sorry, Cat. I'd do anything to be able to take away your pain. I'll do everything I can to help you through this, and I mean _everything_." Another stray tear wends its way down her cheek and I can't help but reach out and touch her beautiful face and hair. She closes her eyes pressing into my touch. For the first time since she arrived, the nature of the situation sinks in and I finally feel my own tears starting to form.

I don't want to upset her more by seeing me crying too so I kiss her forehead gently then get up. "Call me if you need anything at all ok, I'll only be at the living room."

"Thank you," she whispers before I leave the room, "for letting me stay."

"Don't you worry about it, just try to sleep a little ok?"

I leave the door half open so I can check on her every now and then.

I pour myself some juice from the fridge and decide to finish the cleaning. Though I'm exhausted, I know that sleep will be impossible for me right now.

My mind is spinning. Some sick bastard has not only hurt Catherine physically but he's taken a piece of her and broken her. He's left mental scars that that will take a long time to heal.

As I think about Catherine and how things will be for her over the next few days I suddenly remember Lindsey. There's no way that Catherine would want her daughter to see her like this. _Can you blame her?_ It wouldn't be fair to her little girl either. No one needs to see their mom in such a the phone directory I try to search for her sister Nancy's number. I know that Catherine's maiden name was Flynn but I also remember Catherine animatedly telling the guys about Nancy getting married recently in a beautiful ceremony but Catherine never mentioned what her new surname is, so I look under Flynn but as expected my search is in vain.

"There has to be a way to find that number. Come on Sara, think, think, think!" I say looking around the room. "Of course you bloody idiot!" Catherine's purse is lying by the door and she will of course have her sister's number on her cell phone. _That's if the bastard didn't take the phone with him._

"Hello?"

"Nancy? Hi, it's Sara. Catherine's colleague…"

"Oh, hi there. It is nice to finally put a voice to a name."

"Sorry?"

"Catherine talks a lot about you but I've never had the pleasure of meeting you. At least now I can say I talked to you on the phone. And she is right you know, you have a beautiful voice."

"I do?" I'm completely taken aback by this information. _I would've thought she'd have talked about how stubborn I can be, how I don't have any social life and how I work my ass off maxing out on overtime every month but most definitively not anything like this. _

"Is she caught up again? That lab really is her second home. Does she need someone to take care of Lindsey?" Nancy asks, bringing me back to reality.

"Actually yes, that's why I was ringing, if that's ok with you?"

"Sure. No problem. I know how hard you guys work."

"She'd be there for Lindsey if she could be. She loves her so very much."

"Oh, I have no doubts about that!" I nod and smile to no one. Catherine has always got good things to say about her sister and so far I have to say she seems really nice. "Sara, can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure," I answer ironically as I'm not at all sure what's about to come next.

"Do you like my sister?"

_Well just come right out with it Nancy_ I laugh to myself. "Yeah I do," _although I think the word might actually be closer to 'love'._

Nancy doesn't say anything for a moment then pulls the topic back to Lindsey. "Don't worry about Lindsey, she can stay here as long as Cat needs."

"Thank you Nancy."

"Bye Sara. Say 'Hi' to that busy sister of mine for me ok?"

"I will and it was nice to hear your voice too." Nancy laughs before hanging up.

As soon as I put my phone down I hear screams coming from my bedroom. Catherine is throwing her head from side to side and screaming 'no, stay away, don't do this'. I guess I should've known better than to leave her alone for so long.

"Cat honey, wake up. It's just a bad dream. It isn't happening. Come on Cat; let me see those beautiful blue eyes, please. Wake up for me." My words take a while to seep into Catherine's subconscious but when they finally do she opens her eyes uncertainly.

"Sara?" she whispers, confused.

"I'm here sweetie." I whisper back, touching my hand to her face. "He can't come near you again, I won't let him." Catherine nods in understanding and hugs me so tightly. The movement is unexpected and almost makes us fall to the floor.

"Why Sara… why me?"

"I wish I knew Cat. I wish I had an answer for you. But it's over now_._ You are safe here."

"I should have made him stop. I should have at least tried."

"You were scared. You didn't know what he was capable of, so you did the only thing you could do, you didn't fight him. It was the right choice"

"How can it be the right choice when I let him rape me?"

Though I knew she would blame herself for this, because every victim does, it doesn't stop me from get righteously angry.

"He would get what he wanted no matter what you did. They always do!" I make her look at me. I want her see the seriousness of what I'm saying. "What happened was terrible but Catherine, it wasn't your fault. It could never be! And if you had fought against him you could easily have ended up on Doc Robbins' cold table, leaving your daughter without her mother. Do you understand?" I know she has never heard me talk like this and I can see in her eyes that I've surprised her.

"Now, do you want to try sleep again or would you like a bath?"

She looks really small and fragile in my sheets. "A bath would be great."

"No problem. I'll be right back ok honey."

I disappear into the bathroom and turn on the tap to start filling the bathtub. I leave two towels on the sink along with some bath oil in case she wants to use it. When I get back to the bedroom Catherine is already stood and is looking out of the window. I don't have to say anything for her to know I'm there and she looks at me with a warm smile of gratitude.

She kisses my cheeks before walking past me into the bathroom. My hand immediately goes to the place where she touched and I smile to no one. _She kissed me! Not the way I've always dreamed of but it was a kiss._

She's not long in the bath but by the time she finishes I'm sat up in bed with a book on my knee. I lift the sheets for her to get in and she does just that moving closer to me than I expected then proceeding to wrap her arms around my belly and rest her head gently on my shoulder.

**tbc**


	2. Chapter 2

**here it is, chapter number two. I have to say this fic is getting better and better with Deb's help. I hope you guys think so too.**

I re-posted the chapter number one due a few changes so please take a look. And then tell me what you think , ok? ;)  


***

When I wake up, the clock on my bedside indicates it's a little after noon and we've been asleep for about five hours. Catherine is still lying pressed against me sleeping peacefully. Her face is relaxed and I thank God that she didn't have any more nightmares after we both went to bed. Gently and trying not to wake her, I lift my arms from round her and shuffle off the bed. She stirs slightly but doesn't wake up. I tiptoe out of the room and head to the kitchen.

I usually don't eat at home so it isn't surprising that there is very little in my fridge to offer her_._ I decided on buttered toast which I put on a tray along with a glass of fresh orange juice and an apple. _Well it's the best I can do for now. _Everything set I make my way back to the bedroom and place the tray on the bedside table. Catherine senses the dip of the mattress as I perch on the edge of the bed and her eyes open slowly.

"Hey sleepy beauty," I whisper softly, "I guess it'll have been a fair while since you last ate anything." I gesture towards the tray I've brought in. "I'm sorry it isn't much." Catherine sits up tucking the sheet in around her and I lift the tray onto her lap. I watch as she nibbles at the toast, licking the butter from her lips.

I can't remember when or how it happened, but I realize I've started wanting to go to work for different reasons these days. It's not totally about the work anymore. It's the only opportunity I get to see her. The only place where I can observe all the little details, from the way she walks to her beautiful smile and just how her sharp mind works. I like everything about her, even her legendary stubbornness.

"I just wanted you to know I took the liberty of calling your sister this morning. She'll take care of Lindsey for as long as you need her to." My words startle her and Catherine chokes on her toast.

"Did you…?"

"No, I didn't." I'm quick to reassure her. "I know there's a reason why you came here instead of going to her Cat. I would never say anything and betray your trust like that, ever." She looks up at me, her relief evident. She seems so fragile now, so small so beautiful. _I wish I could kiss her. _I bury the stray thought which is wholly inappropriate and stand up.

I leave her to get changed and go take care of the dishes then make a list of a few things I need to get from the store. My guess is that she will probably want to stay here for a little longer, not that it is a problem to me, far from it, but I will certainly have to buy a few things in. I look up as Catherine appears in the doorway and I can't help but smile. She's wearing my favorite grey Berkeley hoodie and some blue jogging pants.

"I hope you don't mind," she blushes as I take sweep my eyes over her clothing choice.

"No, of course not. I just never thought you would choose my old hoodie, that's all."

"I like it, it just seemed cozy." I nod still smiling "You must wear it a lot because it was on the top of the pile."

"Yeah, it's an old favorite. I like to be comfy when I'm not working."

"Me too," Catherine answers with smile.

A little calmer now, Catherine lets her well-honed observational skills loose on my room taking in every detail. It's the first time she has really seen the room. Earlier, well earlier she had other things at the front of her mind. She takes her time looking at the books on my bookshelves and my rather large CD collection.

Her smile keeps appearing and I can't work out whether that means she thinks I have good taste or not.

"I didn't know you play," she says, clearly surprised as her eyes come to rest on my guitar propped up in the corner of the room.

"Every chance I get. It helps me to calm down and pass the time." I smile as I look at my pride and joy. I love that thing!

"Is there a story behind it? You're wearing one of those smiles as though you're having a happy memory."

"Ah, it's just I had to work pretty hard, for months and months until I had finally saved enough to buy her. I'd not trade her for the world."

Catherine smiles again as she clocks me referring to the guitar as a person. Well she might as well be, she's been my best friend for a while, kept me company at my loneliest times.

"Do the guys know about her?"

"Greg does. He tried to make me play for him once but I wouldn't."

"Would you play for me?"

"Um…" _Ok, how do I get out of this? _"I'm not that good," I say blushing.

"Well, I will have to be the judge of that, won't I? I'm not an expert in music anyway so you are safe with me," she winks at me, "and if you're really bad I promise not to tell anyone."

Catherine always knows how to make me blush and then do exactly as she wants. Just like now. She is staring at me with such a beautiful dreamy smile on her face, one of the kind I love the most so I just can't deny her. She is too adorable!

As I get up from my chair, Catherine realizes she has won and makes herself comfortable on the couch, her legs tucked under her body. I pick up my baby and plug her in adjusting the volume before I switch on the amp, I don't want to blast her through the wall. I decide on an old favorite, a Beatles number, 'Here Comes The Sun' and I start playing slowly.

From the corner of my eye I see her eyes rapt expression which fills me with more confidence. I close my eyes and let the music take over. I hardly realize but within a few minutes I'm actually singing too.

"If this isn't good I don't know what is. Seriously Sara, you are great. You should gig on your nights off. You would be rich!"

"Come on Cat, this is me we're talking about, socially inept Sidle. You think I could play for an audience?" I laugh resting my guitar back on her stand. "You know I can't handle being the center of attention."

"Yeah, well, it's too bad for all your would-be fans and lucky for me then isn't it. You are really great at everything you put your mind to Sara. Don't ever let people tell otherwise, ok?" I blush harder, never one to take compliments well but studying her face I can see she is very serious about this.

"So, what do you want to do this afternoon? Do you feel up to a little walk in the park?" I ask her gently.

She pulls at the sleeves of the oversized hoodie and nods tentatively. "Yeah, sounds good."

"Are you sure, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable or say yes just for me."

"No I want to. It'll be good for me… for us."

I smile at her again. She's got so much inner strength.

**

The weather is good, not that hot considering its summer in Vegas and the park is full of flowers. Sitting on a bench overlooking the lake with all the people milling around with kids and dogs in tow I feel at peace. I like to come here when I need to get a little perspective. It's a good place to think. I catch a movement from out of the corner of my eye and when I look at Catherine I see she is crying. I hate to see people cry, especially her.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I ask reaching out to tuck a few stray hairs behind her ear. She smiles a watery feeble little smile and wipes at her tears.

"I was just thinking about my daughter."

"What about her? Is she in some kind of trouble at school again?"

"No. She is doing better now. It's just… sometimes I can't help but think she deserves better, you know… someone better then me."

"Catherine, you are an exceptional mother." I say turning towards her, and I mean it, the words flow from my mouth in all honesty. "You work so hard to give her everything she needs and more. She has a safe, loving home to grow up in, the best clothes, a solid education, and a devoted mother who loves her more than anything else in the world. I know you wish you had more time to spend with her but most parents don't have much time regardless of what jobs they do. I think Lindsey is a very, very lucky girl."

Catherine's eyes fill once again with tears, she actually looks surprised. "Do you really think so?"

"No! I don't _think_ so, I _know_ so! Not every one is lucky enough to have a mother who is willing to do anything and everything for them - believe me." I turn my gaze back to the water. I can sense Catherine's eyes on me as though she's expecting me to elaborate on what I've just said, but I'm not sure I want to.

"Come on, let's walk a little more," she says getting up and extending a hand for me. I look at her surprised and relieved that she hasn't pushed me.

We walk around the water's edge for about half-an-hour before turning to head home. "Listen I have to go to the store on the way back to get a few bits, but it won't take long. Ok?"

"Sure."

**

Well I've never had so much fun shopping before. Catherine is like a little kid picking up items off every shelf and when she sees something she likes well I'm darned if I don't find it adorable. We manage to get everything on my list and a few extras thanks to Catherine then we saunter back to mine.

For the first time in days, maybe weeks, I actually cook something - Veggie Lasagna. I don't like to cook, much less for one person so I'm surprised I even remember how to make it. Catherine helps me in arranging the table as I spoon out our dinner into my funky hand-painted pasta bowls.

"I always wanted to know, did you meet him in San Francisco?" I hear Catherine ask from the living room.

"Who?"

"Who do you think?"

"Oh, you mean, Grissom?" Catherine is now stood beside me in the kitchen and has that _'well duh'_ look on her face. I can't help but smile. "No. I was a student and went to a forensics seminar - he was the speaker."

"Let me guess, after the presentation you had a whole heap of questions for the poor unsuspecting man, right?"

"Yeah, we talked for hours, well for days actually. I met up with him after some of his other seminars. He saw immediately and nurtured my interest in criminalistics giving me a few books and telling me he thought I'd make a great CSI. He told me I was smart and a quick learner. I guess I still am, thank God." The last comment makes Catherine giggle. It's the first time I've heard that noise coming from her lips and right then I knew I need to hear that more often.

"Did you graduate before you started you career in forensics?"

"Yes, it was my last year anyway so I didn't have a reason to drop off the course. I majored in Physics and then went on to do a course in forensics. Then I took a job at the San Francisco coroner's office. I had just been promoted a CSI level 2 when Grissom called me to ask for my help in the Holly Gribbs case." The mention of Holly's name made Catherine face pale and I suddenly berated myself for mentioning it. "I'm sorry."

"No. I should be the one saying sorry. I shouldn't have treated you so badly back then."

"It's ok Cat, I understand. You were hurting and you really didn't need a stranger invading your team and investigating one of your best friends…"

"Still, I should have given you a chance. We could have been friends sooner if I hadn't been such a bitch."

"We are friends now and that is what matters." _I just wish we could be more then that. Damn I need to stop thinking like that. It's not helping me or her._

I carry the dishes into the living room and we sit on opposite sides of my small dining table.

"Did you know Grissom would ask you to stay for good?"

"Not really. But I knew I could learn more from staying in Vegas and working with you guys. Besides, I didn't have anything holding me back in Frisco."

"Not even your family or friends?"

"My father died when I was eleven and the last time I checked my brother was in New York. We haven't spoken much at all since he left home for college years ago. What about you, how did you became a CSI?"

"Grissom convinced me."

"You too?" I look up amused.

"Um… well my friend whom I worked with was murdered and it was Grissom who came to the club to process the scene and take my statement."

"Did you see…"

Catherine cut me off. "No. Thank God, no. But I was able to describe in great detail everything about my friend, what happened at the club the day she was murdered, the clientele etc. He was surprised by how much information I could give him, information that most people just can't remember. He asked me if I'd ever consider changing careers and whether I'd want to have a job at the crime lab. At first I didn't really like the idea. He finished his case and that was it."

"What made you change your mind?"

"I found out I was pregnant. I didn't want my baby to grow up hanging around an exotic club. So I called Grissom and put myself through night school to get the necessary qualifications. He kept his promise and within a few years I was working in his lab. I had to learn things pretty quickly. After all I was the only woman in a man's world. I had to be tougher, less sensitive, believe in myself and never let them tell me I was wrong. It was hard but I succeeded."

"I have no doubt it was and that's all down to your willpower Catherine, you're an amazing woman." Catherine blushes as I smile at her in admiration.

Catherine looks up at the clock. "Fancy watching a movie before you go to work tonight?"

"I'm not going to work tonight." I reply resolutely

"But you have to go Sara. The team is already one man down with what's happened…"

"I don't give a damn about work right now. I won't leave you on your own. And Grissom can suck it up. He's always telling me to take my vacation time. Nothing you can say will make me change my mind on this so don't even try."

"Ok." There's a look of relief in Catherine's eyes as she can see it's pointless arguing with me.

"Good. Do you want any more lasagna?"

**tbc**


	3. Chapter 3

**Warning**: this chapter contains real descriptions of abuse with a minor.

Thank you so much for the reviews. This is the first fic that has more then 4 coments and it's amazing. Please do not stop.

***

We settle down to watch a film of Catherine's choosing from my DVD rack, 'The Pianist'. It's a good film but very moving and I'm not totally sure I'm in the mood for it but at least it's full of beautiful music. Catherine rests her head on my shoulder and curls into my side. It feels so natural to be this close to her.

At some point during the latter half of the movie her head becomes heavy against my shoulder and I realize she's fallen asleep. I wait for the credits to roll then try and work out how I can get Catherine to bed without now waking her up. Carefully I slide my arms underneath her and somehow, don't ask me how, manage to lift her against me and carry her, depositing her safely on the mattress then pulling the bedclothes over her. She snuggles into the pillow and I smile down at her. I could spend forever watching this beautiful woman sleep.

I crawl between the sheets and pull my pillow tightly under my head and let myself drift off.

**

A loud beep echoes in the room making me jump. _Shit!_ I look to the table beside the bed and flip my phone open - cursing myself for not remembering to turn it off before going to bed.

"Something came up and I need you here asap!"

"Sorry Gris, no can do," I speak into the mouthpiece in a hushed tone.

"What? Are you serious?"

"I have something important to take care of," I whisper before gingerly lifting Catherine's arm which is draped over my stomach, and crawling out of the bed, stepping outside my bedroom door.

"This is top priority Sara! Catherine needs us all. She was…"

"Raped, I know."

"You know?" The surprise is evident in Grissom's voice. "But… how? Where is she? Is Catherine… with you?"

"Yes!" I hiss, "and you really shouldn't be so surprised Gris, we don't really hate each other you know."

"I know but still I wouldn't have expected her to…"

"Look, no one should ever be alone after going through an ordeal like she's been through. You have the guys to help you so use them."

"Fine, but you do realize that now you won't be able to work any part of this case when you're back in?"

"Give me some credit here will you. Of course I know that. I want this guy caught just as much as you but looking after Catherine is my priority here Gris. You'd best get back to it." I flip the phone shut and turn around to go back to bed, but as I push the door open I see her sitting on the edge of the bed, hair all mussed up and cheeks rosy from sleep. _She is so adorable!_ "Sorry I woke you Cath."

"Actually, Grissom woke me and it's ok, I've slept enough."

"It's four am. You need to get plenty of rest Catherine," I say turning in the direction of the kitchen.

"When did it happen, Sara?" Her words are quiet as she follows behind me.

"When did what happen?" I counter, starting to make the coffee. As I go to fill the kettle with water, Catherine stops me, putting both her hands over my own.

"I may be hurting but I'm not blind or deaf Sara. You were raped too weren't you?" My heart suddenly feels very heavy and I can't look her in the eye. Damn! Never underestimate a CSI, especially one as competent as Catherine Willows. She doesn't wait for me to respond before continuing, "Why did you have to face everything on your own?"

"Please Cat, don't go there!" I plead with her. It's been more than twenty-two years since I last begged someone, and that someone was my father. "You have enough to deal with right now and I'm here for you Cat, it's not about me."

"I won't ever make the same mistake again Sara." I look at her in confusion. Her eyes are saddened and guilty. "Like when I shout you down in front of everyone. That day you got suspended, deep down I knew it had something to do with your past, but instead of gently probing and trying to help you, I lost it. I'm really sorry."

"It's fine Catherine." Great, now I'm shuffling around feeling embarrassed at her heartfelt apology.

"I care about you and I would really like you to feel you can trust me, like I know I can trust you. I trust you deeply Sara."

My heart soars at her admission yet the sadness around my heart of the most painful memories, refuses to budge. "A lot happened in my past Catherine and I definitively don't want to be the cause of any more sadness, especially yours." I say turning away from her.

"You can't hurt me more than I am already hurting Sara," she voices, seriously convinced about that. I stop in my tracks with a deep sigh, my gaze firmly fixed upon my feet.

When I got suspended after yelling firstly at Catherine and then at Ecklie, Grissom had come to see me. He'd sat on my sofa refusing to leave until I told him the truth. So I told him, but I only told him part of the story, I gave him nothing that he couldn't have read in the police files but he didn't push any further. Catherine I fear will not be satisfied with just the documented facts. Truth is I wouldn't be either. If I'm going to tell her then I'll tell her the truth, it will be the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Am I ready for this? Can I deal with the consequences of opening up about my darkest secrets and most traumatic memories?

I take a deep breath and squeeze my eyes shut as I answer her. "Ok, but I need a few minutes alone first." I turn and open my eyes coming face to face with her piercing blue gaze. She can see the desperation and my need to find my inner calm and she nods her head in understanding.

I discard my clothes and step into the shower letting the warm water run over my body while I try to soothe my inner turmoil. I'm about to break the cardinal rule of the Sidle household "what happens in the Sidle household, stays within the four walls of the Sidle household" and also a promise to myself too. I lost my girlfriend of six months after opening up to her. I'll always remember the look she gave me, the fear and pity in her eyes and how she then politely excused herself from my life.

I turn my face directly into the spray and begin to psyche myself up for this.

_She won't be like the others. She won't look at you with pity__. She came here, to you, after the worst experience of her life and she still wants to know the truth. Can you think of a better way of showing her how much you trust her? This is a chance to create a bond between you._

'But she doesn't care for me the way in the same way that I care for her' I reply to my stupid brain.

_Don't be selfish. This could be a way of __helping her deal with her own pain. Weren't you the one who once said, 'I'd rather have her friendship than nothing at all'? Do it. Tell her._

'Ok, Ok. You win!' I turn my shower off and wring the excess water from my hair. I hate it when I have to argue with myself.

Back in the living room my nostrils fill with the rich aroma of expensive coffee. I stand in the doorway of the kitchen, not announcing my presence, simply waiting until she senses me there. Catherine gives me one of her biggest smiles and I feel my knees going weak.

"Did you steal this stuff from Greg's locker?" she asks.

"I have been tempted, but no, he gave me a packet."

"Ah, the perfect gift for such a caffeine addict. I bet you made sure that he realized that giving you this didn't mean you would date him."

"You know me."

"Not as much as I would like, but we're getting there." I force a smile before accepting the cup she's holding out. Grasping the cup tightly with both hands, I close my eyes and breathe in the warm fragrant vapor.

"It's perfect," I say after taking a sip. She put exactly the right amount of sugar in the cup. But how did she know that without asking? Catherine continues smiling but doesn't say anything.

We head to the living room and take our seats at opposite ends of the sofa. It seems she understands my need not to have her too close to me while I talk to her. I wouldn't be able to handle it. It's a long time before I finally find the strength within me to begin.

"My parents never did want a second child and even less, a girl. So while my mom actually treated my brother reasonably well, she did the barest minimum for me and she blamed me for anything and everything that went wrong in that house. It didn't matter whether it was actually my fault or not. As for my father, he had a vicious temper and a very short fuse – the worst combination." I pause and swallow, trying to maintain my equilibrium. "He would become irate if one of us broke a house rule or answered him in the wrong way or so much as looked at him when he didn't want us to. His anger translated into physical violence. He would lash out and beat us badly, mainly my mom and me." I find myself having to stop again. Bringing the memories to the surface and reliving them is taking every last ounce of strength I have.

"I didn't expect to get pregnant," Catherine's voice is quiet and gentle, "but the minute I found out, Lindsey became my whole life. And even though Eddie was a complete asshole, he really loved her and would've never hurt her. I…" She looks up at me and I nod in understanding at what she is trying to say. "I'm sorry, please go on."

"As his drinking problem got worse, things really began to get out of hand. He would deliberately find non-existent reasons to beat us. I remember him smacking the back of his hand across my face so hard he knocked me and my chair backwards simply because I ate a mouthful of my dinner before he had begun his." I take another deep breath to steady myself before continuing. This is where I really need my courage not to desert me.

"One night they had all gone out to celebrate my brother's game, he was quite the star of the school basketball team being so tall and athletic. I stayed home as usual. My father always said bad little girls didn't deserve to enjoy themselves. I was too young to be left alone but they never bothered about that. So I'd sit in the corner of my room and read, taking pleasure in the silence. It was the only time the house was peaceful."

"This particular night he came back home earlier than normal and my mom and brother weren't with him. He came into my room and took the book from my hands, tearing it down the spine and throwing it across the room. He started talking about how a woman should behave with a man and that now I was becoming a woman I had to learn. He told me to take my pajamas off. I was so scared but I still somehow managed to say no to him." One tear escapes and runs down my cheek. I quickly wipe it away. My expression glazes as I stare at the seat cushion next to me and continue.

"It was a poor move. He furiously slapped me across the face. Then he dragged me to my bed and pushed me down on it he held me down by pressing his knee on my chest while he brought his hand up to touch me between my legs. He pulled down my panties and entered me with his fingers. It hurt like hell. I tried to scream but he clamped his hand over my mouth and said I shouldn't be making such a noise. I had no choice but to take it and stopped fighting against it. I just had to wait as minute by torturous minute passed until he tired of 'teaching' me. He had one last lesson for me before he left my room. He undid his jeans and ejaculated in my face. Then he left me lying there"

The tears are pouring down my cheeks now but I daren't risk looking at Catherine for fear I'll have a complete breakdown. I clamp a hand over my mouth and look out of the window trying to keep the sobs under control.

"How old were you?" Catherine asks. I can hear the choked-up tears in her voice.

"Ten." My answer made Catherine gasp.

"Did you tell anyone?"

"And risk him finding out? No, I couldn't I was too terrified. God knows what he would've done to me if he found out I'd spoken about it so I continued doing as I was told and played by his rules."

"Oh Sara, I'm so sorry." Still not able to look at her, I get up from the couch and walk to the window facing away from her.

"From that night on, anytime my mother went out he would come and find me, drag me onto my bed and 'teach' me more. He showed me how to have a man inside me, gave me practice in not gagging when he rammed himself in my mouth. He even taught me a 'special' way that a woman could please a man when he decided to fuck me up the ass."

Catherine is openly sobbing now, I can hear her. She's making no effort to hide it. I cry with her, still unable to turn around from my position at the window. Apart from the sobs there's silence in the room for a long time.

"They were your parents damn it!" she spits out, her voice hoarse from crying. "They had an amazing little girl that they should have been proud of and protected against everything and they… they…" Her voice cracked once more. "Did no one notice anything? I mean, there had to be signs of the physical abuse if not the emotional without a doubt."

"Most people don't like to deal with this kind of stuff Cat, you and I know that. They like to pretend it's not happening. Besides I learnt very early on not to show weakness in front of people."

She nodded again in understanding. "I swear if Eddie had ever touched Lindsey like that I would have killed him."

"I appreciate you saying that, but it's bull." I look at her seriously, my face puffy and red from the tears. Catherine looks at me first with shock which quickly turns into anger, real anger.

"Are you saying that I would not protect my child?" I don't allow myself to be hurt by Catherine's understandable reaction, staying calm in the face of the fury in her eyes and trying to explain myself.

"I didn't say you wouldn't protect her, Cat, just that you wouldn't kill him. Your daughter is your life and so no matter what he did, or how mad you were with him, you would never risk leaving her without both her parents. You would send the bastard to jail for life but you would never do what my mother did!"

"What?" I finally risk a glance at her to see her eyes so wide they're almost popping out of their sockets.

"Yeah, she stabbed him with a knife from the kitchen counter." I turn away from Catherine again and back to the window. "He had come into my room this time after my mother was asleep but she woke up and saw the light on. You should have seen her face, pure white-hot rage. But not for the reason you might think. My mother was pissed because he had chosen to have sex with me instead of her." I hear her gasp again and can just imagine the look of pure horror on her face. "They continued fighting in the kitchen and then she stabbed him, over and over again until she had no more strength to do it."

"The police came not long after that and took her. They locked her away in a mental facility and that was the last I ever saw of her. My brother was old enough to take care of himself but I was made a ward of the state and got placed into foster care." And that is it. It's all out in the open now. There is nothing left to tell.

Completely lost in my mind, I don't sense Catherine moving closer, until I feel two arms embracing me.

"You should never have had to face all those horrific things Sara. Someone should have stopped them. They should have helped you." Her voice is full of tears once more but also full of care which makes me cry even harder. "You didn't deserve it. No child should ever have to go through a fraction of what you went through. I…I'm so sorry Sara. So, so sorry."

"I know Cat" I don't know exactly how long we stand there until Catherine can finally bring herself to let go of me. She plants a kiss softly on my cheek and makes the suggestion that seeing as the sun is on it's way up, maybe we should get up and head out to get some breakfast and some much needed fresh air. I nod and make my way to the bathroom trying to sort out the mess that is my face wanting to try and at least look half-presentable.

**

The moment we step out of the house, Catherine slips her hand into mine and she only lets go when we finally arrive at my favorite bakery.

**tbc**


	4. Chapter 4

**It took more time for me to updatebut here it is. Hope you guys like it!  
csi are not mine**

*

"You're very quiet." Catherine is looking at me with a benign expression, but there is no pity in her eyes. I knew there wouldn't be. There is just, what I guess can be described as, subtle admiration. "What are you thinking?"

"How good I feel," I say smiling. Catherine raises her eyebrow in expectation of me elaborating. "It's been a long time since I've spoken about the events of my childhood and felt so at peace with it." Catherine now returns my smile. "And you are still here too."

She raises her eyebrows in surprise. "I don't have any reason not to be." She looks down at her coffee and swirls it before speaking again. "You are the same Sara to me that you were four hours ago. Your horrific experiences don't change who _you_ are. People have bad things happen to them but that doesn't then make them bad people. All the things you've been through and you still turn into work day after day after day ready to help the next victim. Sara, you're an incredible woman, the most trustworthy person I know and a damn good CSI and I..." she clears her throat "...I am so proud to be able to call you my friend."

I gulp. _How am I supposed to respond to that?_ My eyes are watering again. It's impossible to keep the tears at bay after that little speech. Eventually I find my tongue. "Thanks Cat…" I pause setting my voice to accurately convey the depth of my feeling. "You've no idea how much it means to hear that from you."

"I'm just being honest," she says squeezing my hand tightly. I can see it again in her eyes, it's there. Something shining deep in the vibrant blue depths, and I realize, it is love. Ok so maybe not romantic love, but a love none-the-less.

"So, are you planning on calling Lindsey today?"

"Yeah I… I need to… I..."

"I'm sure she will be happy to hear from you and to know you're ok." Even before I continue I know what her response will be to my next words. "If you're not ready to face her I can do it?"

"No, I really do want to speak to her, I miss her so much. Maybe I should surprise her by picking her up from school and taking her out to dinner. What do you think?"

"I think that sounds perfect, she will love to see you," I answer not really believing that she is unsure about going out with her daughter. If this is the real Catherine, not always so sure of herself and completely in touch with her emotions, I'll end up falling for her even more. "Are you going back home after that?" My question catches her off guard and her face grows serious again.

"I haven't thought about that. Do you need me to leave?"

"No! Of course not!" I say nearly shouting. I blush at my little almost-scene. "I was just thinking that maybe you would want to be in your own place, with your things and with Lindsey that was all. But I don't want you to leave, I like having you stay with me."

"I like being with you."

"So the answer is no?"

"If it's up to me, and it's ok with you, the answer is no," she smiles again and my heart feels really good. Of course sometime I know she will have to go home but selfishly, I don't want that to happen so soon. "Can I ask you a question Sara?"

"You mean another one besides that, right?" We both laugh and I gesture to the waitress for the bill.

"Do you still love Grissom?"

"No." I'm rather surprised at her question and my eyes widen indicating that.

"You don't?" she asks slightly taken aback by my immediate answer.

"I admire him, his mind and his work ethics, but I don't love him. I don't think I ever did" Catherine waits for me to go one and I do, wanting her to know everything "He's not the right person for me. I need someone who not only accepts me and challenges me but who can talk to me about anything, everything and nothing. More importantly, someone who makes me talk even when I don't really want to. I spend too much of my life in silence and I want to talk, I need to be able to talk, about my feelings especially."

"I understand and…" she bites the inside of her cheek, "…I'm kinda glad. I could see just how much his emotional distance hurt you. I know he is my best friend and all but… when it comes to women, he sucks!"

"Absolutely!" I agree, a smile playing on my lips.

"You know, you should smile more often, your whole face lights up and it's beautiful." I glance down, blushing. I never handle compliments well.

**

We head back to my place and spend the rest of the day chilling out, reading and listening to music. It's the most time I've had to chill out in ages. Catherine asks me to play my guitar again and I can't say no to her. I can't believe she actually likes it.

**

Her car is evidence in the case so Catherine uses mine to go and collect Lindsey, dropping me off at the lab first so I can catch up on some paperwork.

"You sure you don't want me to come with you?" I ask before I open the door.

"I'll be fine Sara."

"Call me and let me know how it goes, yeah?"

"Ok, but, why are you so concerned about this?"

"Because… well…" I realize I'm probably being a little overprotective but I care so much about her. "I just don't want you to be uncomfortable tonight." My words all rush out together.

"It's just dinner with my daughter Sara, it'll be fine," she says squeezing my thigh to reassure me. The heat generated from her touch almost burns me and when I look into her beautiful blue eyes I again feel the urge to kiss her. Catherine leans closer and kisses my cheek. "I can't keep my little girl waiting."

"Ok, I'm going. Say 'hi' to her for me."

I watch the car disappear out of sight before going into the lab. I don't know why I'm so concerned about her after all she's only going for dinner with her daughter.

I say hi to Judy at the front desk and head up to my office. Well it's not really my office but it has everything I need and is far enough away from the main labs to allow me to be undisturbed by most of the comings and goings. It's perfect. I discovered it three days after I started working here and since then everyone has learned that if I'm in here, then I definitely don't want to be disturbed. Not unless it's something really important.

I open the door and sigh deeply. If there is one thing in this job that I hate with a passion, it's paperwork and there are piles of it to do.

I sit for two hours buried to the neck in reports before I decide that I have to take a break otherwise I know I won't last until the end of the shift.

"You look like someone who needs a Grego-style coffee," Greg grins at me as I enter the break room.

"When don't I need a Grego-special?" I banter back. He pours me a cup of his prized brew and I collapse onto the sofa. "Thanks." I smile at him warmly. "So what are you doing in so early?"

"We are all here. We're trying to get all the evidence processed as fast as we can on Catherine's case. Did you hear what happened?" I nod but don't say anything. "It must have been awful. I really hope she's ok."

"Maybe you should call her?" Greg nods draining his coffee mug. "How's the investigation going?"

"Warrick and Grissom are on the car. Nick is processing her clothes and me..."

"DNA and fingerprints from the room?"

"Exactly!"

"Did Ecklie have anything to say about you guys working the case?"

"Of course he did, but Catherine was specific in her request for Grissom to handle this and so by default, his team"

"What do you mean?"

"After she went to the hospital she wrote a note asking for Grissom take care of the evidence. What I don't get it is why you aren't helping us, even though you are here?"

"I would have thought that was pretty obvious!" Warrick interjects from his position in the open doorway. By his tone of voice it's obvious he is tired and that he isn't coping very well with what's happened. "She clearly doesn't give a shit about Catherine or if we catch this bastard."

"Hey man, that's not true." Greg is quick to jump to my defense but Warrick pays no attention to him.

"Whether you like it or not Sara, Catherine is an important member of this team. She's one hell of a CSI, way better then you will ever be…" I see Greg moving from the corner of my eye and quickly reach out to grab his arm before he does something stupid.

"What that guy did was completely evil and it'd be nice if you could at least pretend to be a little concerned when Catherine comes back to work." I stare into his emotion-filled green eyes but don't trust myself to say anything so I keep my mouth shut. He turns round to walk away but stops in his tracks, looks over his shoulder narrowing his eyes. "Oh and Sara, I may have forgiven you for the times you investigated me but I won't forgive or forget that you've turned your back on Catherine when she needs us ALL the most."

I drop my head but manage to stay fairly calm. I understand his anger, I'd be mad if I thought one of the team didn't care too. As he disappears down the corridor I let go of Greg's arm.

"Why did you let him talk to you like that?" he asks me angrily.

"He wouldn't have listened to me Greg, no matter what I said to him."

"How do you know that?"

"He is too hurt about what's happened. He loves her Greg. It would be more surprising if he didn't snap, especially about me not working on the case. You probably would have done the same minutes ago if you didn't like me too much." I wink at the young lab tech.

"That doesn't mean he is right."

"And he isn't right, but Catherine knows the truth and that is enough for me."

"So you have seen her? Talked to her?"

"Yes." Before there is a chance to say anything else, Grissom appears in the doorway and asks to have a word with me. _"_I'd better go before someone else starts yelling at me._"_ I whisper with a half-smile for Greg's benefit and follow Grissom to his office.

"Close the door, please." Grissom requests as he takes a seat behind his desk.

"Should I pack up my stuff and go or do I still have a job here?" I ask jokingly. He doesn't think it's amusing. I guess I didn't really think he would.

"I have to say I didn't expect you shouting at me over the phone and neither did I expect your attitude. You were put on call Sara which means if I call you or anyone from here calls you, you respond ASAP."

"I know, but…"

"You have a good reason and I understand, but this cannot happen again. You do not raise your voice like that again and you do not refuse to come in without telling me the truth, ok?"

"I won't, I promise." Grissom seems satisfied with his warning and my acceptance of it.

"Now, how is she doing?"

"We've talked a bit about what happened amongst other stuff and, well I think she is doing better than most people would be. She's an amazingly strong woman."

"Good. I'm glad she has someone to lean on through this."

"Thanks." I'm relieved he can see that the way I'm helping Catherine is as important as the boys processing the evidence and trying to catch the bastard. "Is there anything else?" When he shakes his head I stand up and leave. Well that little chat went better than I expected, thank God. Passing by one of the AV labs I notice Archie checking the surveillance tapes.

"Any luck?"

"Oh hey Sara," he greets me with a warm smile, "well, he did something to her in the car because carried her into the motel." He plays me the footage and my stomach lurches as I see Catherine being half-carried, half-dragged into a doorway.

"He hit her over the head with the butt of his gun."

"Well that explains it. But how did you…"

"Did the camera catch his face?"

"No and there's nothing reflective that I can see at first glance that would pick it up but I am working on it. I expect that the tape will have caught something. You can stay if you want"

"Actually I can't. Can you text me if you find anything?"

"Sure."

"Oh and Archie," he looks up at me, "don't mention to anyone that I asked will you? Please?" Feeling my cell vibrate in my pocket I thank him then answer it without checking the display. "Sidle…"

"I'd say we're on a first name basis now don't you think?" My heart melts at the sound of Catherine's voice and I can't help but smile. God, I miss her so much.

"By the sound of it dinner went well then?"

"It was lovely. Lindsey talked most of the time about school and her friends. She was so happy to see me that I couldn't begin to explain to her why she's staying at Nancy's."

"I understand. Are you at your sister's now?"

"I came to drop Lindsey off and she has used her girlish charms on me so I'm staying for the night. You have no idea how very persuasive she can be."

"Hmm… just like someone else I know."

"With one difference, I have even less patience than she has." I laugh gently. I can't tell her she's wrong because she's not. Patience is not her strong point. Catherine laughs along with me. "My sister is demanding that you come over for breakfast tomorrow."

"Tell her I appreciate the invitation, but I don't want to intrude."

"You won't be intruding Sara. She wants you to come and I'd really love it if you were here. Please say yes."

"Well if she's sure…"

"She's saying she won't take no for an answer. So I'll pick you up at the end of your shift ok?"

"Ok." My grin has appeared again out of nowhere. I can't believe how much this woman makes me smile. "See you soon."

I return to my lab and the mountain of paperwork which depressingly hasn't vanished during the time I was away. I get so engrossed that I don't even notice the time passing until I look up at the clock and see that it's ten minutes after the end of my shift. Things went much faster after having heard from Catherine but I do still miss her. I stop by Grissom's office to say goodbye, as I usually do, then head outside to stand on the front steps and wait for her.

"Hey gorgeous, wanna lift?" she drawls out of her open window as she pulls up to the curb.

I answer her with a big smile. She leans over and unlocks the door and I drop into the seat and strap the seatbelt over myself.

"So how was shift?" she asks as she pulls out into the traffic.

"I have two words for you, paperwork sucks!" I grumble holding up two fingers in turn as if to prove it was only two words that I used.

"I can't argue with that," she says laughing. "Did they say anything about…?"

"They have everyone on it and they've all pulled doubles. They're processing as fast as the machines allow. Everyone wants to get the bastard. Between you and me, I think Warrick may actually kill him when that happens."

"Really?" she says with a full smile. "He is a very good friend."

"How did it go with Nancy?" I ask not wanting to discuss Warrick any longer. I was all too aware of the close relationship between Catherine and Warrick, and the fact that he clearly loves her as more than just as a friend.

"It went ok. She was shocked and upset and angry with me at first and then hurt because I've only just told her but I think in the end she understood why."

"Did you get any sleep?"

"A few hours, yes, but…" she blushed adorably as her mouth formed her words. "It was hard not having anyone to hold on to, to help take away the bad feelings."

"Why didn't you ask your sister or Lindsey? I'm sure they would've…"

"I know! It just wasn't them I needed." My mouth opens in a silent 'oh' as I understand her meaning.

It isn't what she says, but more what she doesn't say that is important. She wanted me! I place my hand over Catherine's as she moves to change gear and the rest of the journey passes in comfortable silence.

**tbc**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** ****

I'm glad that everyone got pissed with Warrick. I had to make him angry. hahaha. He was the only one who could actually act like that. In the original fic i didn't write the talking between Catehrine and Sara about this fight but maybe I will change. I will give some thought.

Thank you so much for the reviews guys and girls. It really makes me smile :) Please don't stop.

Deb, you are amazing!! I had very lucky to found such a great person and a great beta. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you

I hope you guys like this chapter.

**

We stop in front of a large house with a blue door and a well-tended garden. Catherine rings the doorbell then opens the door stepping inside as her sister appears in the hallway to greet us.

"Hi. Come on in. Breakfast is almost ready." Nancy flashes us both a radiant and incredibly familiar smile. It's near identical to Catherine's and the similarity doesn't stop there. From my initial glance I can see they both have pale flawless skin and piercing blue eyes, are almost the same height and have impossibly tiny waists. In fact the only major difference seems to be the color of their hair, one a strawberry blonde and the other a natural brunette.

"Thank you for inviting me," I say as we get to the kitchen.

"There is no need for thanks Sara. You've been so good to my sister," her eyes sparkle as she talks and I'm fascinated, "I should be thanking you." I take a seat next to Catherine, blushing profusely. "I hope you like pancakes?"

"I do, thank you. I was going to nip into the grocery store on the way so I could get you some stuff but this one," I regard the pouting Catherine, "wouldn't stop the car."

"Well now, it's a good job," Nancy throws a grin Catherine's way and then continues to address me, "she knows I'd have tanned her hide if she allowed you to bring anything." My eyebrows rise and Catherine pats my arm in a 'there see I told you' gesture.

"Breakfast is ready!" Nancy yells through the open window at an unbelievable volume. After a few moments the sound of little footsteps running up the garden can be heard and the two children burst into the kitchen. "Go and wash your hands first both of you." They scurry off, to return a minute or two later. Lindsey sits down opposite her mother and her cousin stops right in front of me.

"Jeremy, this is my friend Sara." says Catherine.

"Nice to meet you," I address the little boy stood in front of me, but he remains silent. I find myself starting to feel a little uncomfortable until Nancy finally intervenes.

"Why don't you sit beside Lindsey today honey?" He doesn't say anything, but he looks down at my chair and eventually turns to sit in the seat his mom has pulled out for him. I shift a bit and open my mouth to suggest I'll move and give the kid his seat back but Nancy speaks before I do. "No one has a special place at my table Sara and Jeremy knows that." God this woman is even as intuitive as Catherine.

I can feel my cheeks starting to burn and when I look up at Catherine I see her lips are twisted in amusement.

"My sister told me you aren't from Vegas?" Nancy comments as she loads up my plate with three pancakes and drizzles syrup on top.

"I was born in Tamales Bay, California and then I graduated in San Francisco."

"I believe it's very different from round here?"

"Yes I guess it is. There's about the same amount of sand," I chuckle, "but instead of it being in the desert, it's on the beach."

"Really? I love the beaches," Lindsey joins in happily swinging her legs under the table. "Can we go and stay at your mom and dad's house in my school vacation, Sara?"

"Actually my parents don't live there anymore," I'm rather surprised by her question though I realize lots of things are just that simple to children. "There are lots of hotels there though." I add smiling at Catherine's mini-clone.

"Where do they live then?" Jeremy asks forthrightly as he finds his voice.

"Well…"

"Why don't you guys tell Sara about that new game you play at school?" Catherine interrupts, sensing my unease. I couldn't tell them the truth, they are just kids but equally I would never want to lie to them. Catherine's suggestion does the trick and their little faces light up and they both begin chattering at once. I sigh in relief sending my silent gratitude Catherine's way.

After the meal, the kids leave to play outside as Nancy starts to clear the table and Catherine begins to fill the sink with hot water.

"Let me do this, please" I say standing up and resting my hand on her wrist. "Please. It's the least I can do to say thank you for such a delicious breakfast."

"Sara you are a guest and guests don't wash the dishes." Catherine explains.

"I'm not used at people doing everything for me Cat, and you know I hate feeling useless."

"Yes, but…" I continue to look at them both with pleading eyes. "…fine, but just this once."

"Deal!" Catherine dries her hands on the nearest towel and gives me a kiss on the cheek before walking away. My fingertips immediately begin tracing the outline of the gentle touch and I find myself grinning like a fool.

In less then ten minutes I've washed and dried all the dishes. I leave them in a neat pile on the table as I don't know where they go and I don't want to start rooting in cupboards in Catherine's sister's kitchen. Stepping outside, I see Catherine playing with the kids and Nancy sitting on a wooden chair enjoying the sun.

"Do you mind if I take a seat?" I gesture at the bench next to the chair.

"You don't have to ask, Sara." she laughs.

_She__ talks to me just like Catherine would, _I think to myself. "You have a really nice house."

"Thank you. It's not usually this clean but I do try to keep on top of things. You got me on a good day." I smile as I sit down imagining her running around after the two energetic children. The tone of her voice changes slightly. "You know, when Catherine told me about what happened…" she pauses and I can sense her pain in the momentary silence, "…well I couldn't believe it. She is my big sister, my fearless big sister who protected and looked after me as a kid and I just never imagined anything like this would ever happen to her." Her eyes glisten with unshed tears as she continues. "But what's really struck me is that although she is hurting, she is calm, she's not falling apart."

"Catherine is a very strong person. She has every reason to get over this."

"Yes she is, but I think there is more to it than just that. I think the reason why she is doing so well is _you_."

"Me? I'm just someone who knows what she has been through. I'm just a co-worker."

"I can see the way you look at her Sara. I can see you care very much for her." Ok, that I wasn't expecting. "You'll not realize just how happy I am to finally meet you and to see that in your eyes, Sara." I feel my mouth drop open, there's nothing I can do to stop it. "Sara, I know you and my sister have not had the smoothest of relationships since you started at the lab but well… I would be lying if I said that I didn't know at least partially what was behind it."

"What do you mean?" My face must look a picture.

"Before you arrived Catherine was the only woman on the team, and let me tell you she had to work pretty damn hard to win everybody's trust mainly because of her past as a stripper. Suddenly, and seemingly out of nowhere, you came along - a young, brilliant, beautiful woman who all the men buzzed around like bees round honey. You didn't need to prove anything to anyone, they accepted you straight away they didn't question your ability or intelligence and that pissed her off. When Grissom offered you a permanent place on the team she knew she would have to work with you no matter how much she didn't want to do that"

"But I was _never _there to take her place." I'm shocked by Nancy's revelation and I suddenly begin to see things from a different point of view.

"Yeah, I know that but Catherine let her pride get the better of her. Look, I'm not justifying the way she's behaved towards you in the past I'm just giving you her side of the story." I turn to watch Catherine playing with the children as I absorb what Nancy has just told me. We're silent for some time until I hear her take a breath and catch her looking back at me. "But as she got to know you, Sara, as she worked with you, it wasn't long before Catherine started to feel differently."

"Differently?"

"Sara, Catherine has always admired you, she's always wanted to be your friend but latterly… latterly I can see it in her eyes, she's wanted more than that."

I can hardly find my voice to reply but I think my expression gives away my amazement. "Are you saying…?" Nancy nods as she watches the penny drop. "But I thought…"

"She was surrounded by beautiful, sexy women for a long time Sara. Let me tell you, much to the chagrin of my mother, she's never had a problem in acknowledging her attraction to both sexes."

Silence descends again. Nancy is regarding me warmly as she lets the information percolate in my whirling mind. My head is buzzing. I can't believe it. Eventually I find my voice. "Even if she is attracted to women, I'm sure she can find someone better for her, someone far more attractive and far less complicated than me."

"My sister likes complications," Nancy says with a somewhat rueful smile. Turning serious, she continues, "Most people think they don't have the right qualities to win over the one they care about, but let me tell you something Sara, that's a lie, a huge lie that only causes people to suffer when they don't have to."

It's dawned on me how often she says my name in sentences, and how intuitive this woman is. I almost feel like I'm back in Dr Whitman's office. "You talk like a shrink."

"Well that's probably because I am one," she chuckles lightly, "and you just won a free session." I try very hard not to show my discomfort at what she has just said. I've lost count of the number of shrinks I've seen in my life, the most memorable of which, Dr Whitman, systematically worked to break me down, supposedly so I could build a stronger, better me but after one particularly horrific ordeal of a session I very nearly… well suffice to say I stopped seeing her. I don't want doctors in my head I just can't handle being analyzed like that.

"Is everything ok?" Catherine says and I suddenly realize she's standing right in front of me. She takes a seat next to me on the bench shuffling up till we're almost touching.

"Sure" I answer, pretending to be fine. Catherine doesn't seem to believe me, but doesn't say anything for which I'm intensely grateful.

Catherine and Nancy's conversation is light and trivial and every so often I add my two-cents worth not wanting to retreat completely into my over-processing brain. I find Catherine's proximity so comforting and the warm sunshine on my skin, therapeutic. I'm just about to rest my palm on Catherine's thigh which is now pressed closely against mine when Lindsey rushes up to us.

"Mom, I want to go home." Catherine immediately tenses. Her mouth opens but not finding the words she wants, she closes it again.

"Is our home being fixed or something?" the tiny blonde asks, her little brow furrowing questioningly.

"No Linds," Catherine answers gently but hesitantly. She's still not sure what to say to the girl.

"Then why can't we go home? I like being here but I miss my room and my stuff… you understand right, Aunt Nancy?"

"Of course I do sweetie and your mommy and Sara do too."

"Great! I'll get my bag," Lindsey says immediately running into the house, her frown being replaced with a beaming smile.

A pained expression settles on Catherine's features and drops her head into her hands. Nancy leans forward watching her sister. "Are you ok, you don't seem…"

"Probably because I'm not Nancy," Catherine says getting up and heading into the house. Nancy is about to follow her sister but I indicate with my hand that I'll go. She nods her understanding and I make my way inside after Catherine. When I step into the living room, Catherine is pacing the carpet. It takes her a few moments to notice that I'm here but when she does she stops.

"I hate it when she does that! I hate it when she answers like she knows what I want when she doesn't have a fucking clue!"

"I know, but Catherine all she said was that we understood and Linds took it to mean she was getting to go home. Nancy probably doesn't realize how you feel right now." I laugh inwardly thinking 'okay, not always so intuitive then.'

Catherine sighs, trying to calm herself down. "I don't think I'm ready for this Sara. I don't want to be alone." The last part came out in the tiniest of whispers.

"I know." My eyes threaten to fill with tears as I look at her. "Well so as not to upset Lindsey now she thinks she's going home, how about I drive you guys back to your place, you can spend the day with her and then I'll come back later so you're not on your own. I'll call Grissom and let him know."

"Really?" Her eyes study mine, the fear dissipating being replaced with relief. "You'd do that for me?"

"Of course I would. Come here." I reach out and pull her into a deep hug. "I'll always be here for you Cat, always." I hear footsteps coming from the hallway so I let go of her and gently wipe away the single tear that is running down her perfect cheek.

"I'm ready," says the little girl all smiles.

I turn to Nancy who has come inside to join us. "Thank you for the breakfast, it was delicious."

"It was my pleasure. Just one thing, Sara, I'm sorry about the joke in the garden. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"It's ok. You couldn't have known I hate shrinks…"_ Oops… _"…um… no offense."

"None taken," she replies smiling at me "It was good to finally meet you, Sara. I hope I'll see you again soon."

Having taken both Willows' home, the first thing I feel as I enter my apartment is hollow. Having Catherine around, even under such awful circumstances made me feel needed which in turn made me feel good about myself. I felt alive like I haven't felt that in a long, long time. And now, she is back at her place and God knows when or if she will come back. I knew she'd not be staying here forever but I had hoped she'd be here for at least a day or two longer.

**tbc**


	6. Chapter 6

**Here is another chapter for you guys. I hope you all enjoy this one just like I enjoyed writing him.**

**

At seven pm I find myself back in front of Catherine's door. I knock and wait patiently for an answer.

"Hi Sara."

"Hey Lindsey." I smile down warmly at the little Willows as she swings the door wide to let me in.

"My mom is in the kitchen making some veggie lasagna." Lindsey screws her face up as she informs me of Catherine's whereabouts.

"And that's good right?"

"No!" Lindsey answers with a face that clearly says 'duh!' "But she always makes me eat it anyway."

"Well, in that case, I hope my chocolate cake helps?" I say with a wink and another smile at the expressive little girl.

"You brought chocolate cake?" Lindsey's face lights up as she sees the box.

"Do you want to take it through?" She nods enthusiastically and I gently hand her the package reminding her to carry it carefully as she turns towards the kitchen.

"I hope that cake is for me too." Catherine states as I set foot in the kitchen. I should have realized she has a mother's sense of hearing.

"Only if you eat all your dinner first," I reply putting on my best serious face. I check Lindsey's whereabouts before leaning in closer to give Catherine a kiss on the cheek. My lips linger against her soft skin long enough for her to notice and raise an eyebrow. A slow smile begins to creep onto my face which earns me the same response from her.

"What did Grissom have to say about you missing another shift?"

"Not a thing." Catherine looks at me incredulously. "I called in a favor."

"Who?"

"Sofia, she owes me a few shifts and was happy to take this one."

"Thank you Detective Curtis," Catherine whispers softly as she turns back to the stove.

I pick up the bowls and forks and help Lindsey to arrange the table while Catherine finishes making the food. During the meal the conversation is dictated by Lindsey. She's such a sweet child. She asks the most intelligent questions and sometimes has both her mother and myself flummoxed as to how best to answer. I decide to treat her like a mini-adult and answer her as honestly as I can. I can see Catherine observing at me with 'that' look. I let her gaze fill me, it's a long time since anyone has openly looked at me in that way. I guess I must be doing something right. Somewhere amid the chatter, the conversation turns to favorite animals. It seems that Lindsey has a fair few favorites. Suddenly an idea jumps into my head and I look up at Catherine wondering if I'm about to continue doing the right thing.

"Hey Linds, how would you fancy going to the zoo tomorrow?" Catherine's eyes widen but so does her smile and I feel about ten feet tall under her admiration. Lindsey's face, I can hardly describe. It is one big grin and she's nodding as though she's trying to dislodge her head. She turns to her mum and puts on the patented puppy dog pleading face which I can't help but giggle at. Catherine raises an eyebrow at her daughter.

"I'm not sure that Lindsey would enjoy going to the zoo," Catherine says, trying to keep her face straight with some difficulty.

Lindsey's eyes nearly pop out of her sockets. "Oh mommy I would. I would love to go." Oh God, her little face, we both crack at her expression and end up giggling. Lindsey continues to plead with her mom until Catherine has to put the kid out of her suspense and say yes.

"Yesssss!" Lindsey looks like she's just won the kids version of the lottery, it's priceless. "You're sooo cool Sara." Wow, high praise indeed. Catherine for her part just nods in agreement.

The zoo conversation is followed by the chocolate cake which also seems to go down a treat. After crashing her fork down on her empty plate Lindsey asks to leave the table. Catherine nods and her little girl rushes off to put on a DVD.

"You're certainly a big hit with her." There's delight in Catherine's voice as she informs me of that. "She will want you to watch the movie too you know," she says as we start putting the dirty dishes into the dishwasher.

"I didn't get to see kid's movies when I was her age so I can honestly say I'd be more than happy to."

"What did you watch?"

"Sports mostly but I only really started to watch TV after I went into foster care. My parents… well, they didn't like to see me having fun of any kind. I mostly just kept myself to myself. I read a lot."

"A habit you've never broken," she regards me smiling.

Two minutes later, Lindsey was back as predicted dragging me by the hand to the living room to watch her newest DVD, Enchanted. Lindsey flops down onto the floor where she's made herself a den of cushions – apparently this is her favorite position for watching films. After finishing off in the kitchen, Catherine joins us, taking a seat on the couch right next to me. Her proximity makes my breath come quicker. Not long after the film has gotten started Catherine runs her hand over my wrist and into my palm and I have to hold myself back from jumping round the room like an excited ten-year old at this gesture. Within half-an-hour Catherine is curled up against me and has her hand on my belly. I stretch my arm around her keeping her close.

"Not that I'm complaining in any way but you sure she won't mind?" I whisper nodding over at Lindsey.

"She will have to get used to see us together. Besides, I already talk about you a lot so…"

"You do?" That causes a little shiver of delight to run through me. "So not just with your sister then," I grin.

"Could you guys please not talk during the movie?" Lindsey suddenly pipes up.

"Sorry Linds." We both start giggling at the situation.

"Shh" she says looking over at us and rolling her eyes. I have to bite my lip not to continue laughing. Catherine just winks at me and grins.

The film is actually rather cute but I miss the end because I am too focussed on Catherine caressing my stomach over my shirt. It seems she stopped watching the film a while ago. As I study her face more closely though I can see her expression has changed and there are tears welling in her eyes. Something tells me that she is trying to hold back a breakdown. I know from experience that the breakdown catches up with you and will most certainly happen eventually. I didn't realize that it would hit so soon.

As the credits begin to roll Lindsey immediately asks to put on another.

"Um, no Lindsey," Catherine pulls out of my embrace and sits up. "It's time for a shower and then bed, that's the deal, we have a busy day tomorrow."

"But I'm not tired and neither is Sara. Have you ever watched 'Finding Nemo' Sara?" before I have a chance to answer, Catherine raises her hand.

"Lindsey, you cannot see another two hour movie!"

"But tomorrow is Saturday. Katie's mom lets her watch two movies when there is no school the next day."

"Linds, I'm not Katie's mommy, now go!" Catherine's raised voice betrays her emotions.

"That's not fair!" yells Lindsey getting up and folding her arms over her chest.

"Oh really? Well I have news flash for you, life isn't fair Lindsey and you know what, we just have to deal with it!" Catherine shouts back as she pushes off the couch towering over her daughter. I can tell by her clenched fists that Catherine is really struggling and I catch Lindsey's attention and nod for her to do as her mom says. The girl groans in frustration and leaves the room shuffling her feet as she goes. Catherine runs her hand through her hair and sighs deeply. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scream at her, especially not in front of you, Sara."

"It's ok cat, don't worry."

"I'm going to grab a drink, do you want something?" Before I have time to answer, Catherine is already heading for the kitchen."

I don't think Lindsey wanting to see another movie is the issue here. I can sense Catherine is being plagued by her emotions and she's not ready for it. She's not ready to be alone. I get up from the couch immediately and go to her. She has already filled a glass with water and is pouring out a second which she tries to set on the counter at the same time as reaching to put the bottle back in the fridge. Unfortunately the glass hasn't quite connected fully with the work surface and I see the outcome almost before it happens. The glass falls to the floor and shatters into a million tiny pieces.

"That was brilliant Willows, brilliant!" She berates herself. I immediately step in to stop her standing on any of the slivers of glass. In this state she could easily hurt herself. I fetch the broom and shovel from the side of the fridge sweeping up all of the tiny shards, making sure I've got them all before drying the floor with a towel. She watches my every move. "I'll get you another," she says embarrassed.

"Cat, don't, please. I'm not even thirsty."

"But…" I silence her with two fingers against her lips and pull her into a strong embrace. She resists at first, but realizing I won't back off she gives up and clings to me tightly. After a long time I hear her speak. "I busied myself just so I couldn't think about him. It didn't work. I just want to forget Sara. I just want to forget." She begins to sob and it breaks my heart.

"I know Cath, I know. You just have to have patience, it will get easier." Catherine's cries are silent and I feel her shoulders shaking as she grabs onto me tighter. I hold her until the shaking subsides wiping the tears from her beautiful face. "Show me where your bathroom is." Catherine looks at me in confusion but turns to show me anyway.

I make sure the door is locked so Lindsey can't just wander in and then I pull her to me lowering my head to kiss her. As my lips tentatively find hers, tingles begin to spread through me. Her lips are so soft. Our kiss is long and deep but very gentle. It's our first real kiss but it feels like I've known her mouth forever. It's amazing. I quickly remind myself not to get lost in the moment. When we break apart, both breathing heavily I tell her to get undressed and move to turn on the shower.

Catherine starts to unbutton her shirt but then stops as more tears flow. "I… I can't…" I look back to her and see the angry bite mark that is now just visible in the open v of her shirt.

"Oh sweetheart..." My eyes fill with tears and a lump rises in my throat as I take in her trembling fingers. I smile tentatively after swallowing my emotions and my fear and begin to undo my own shirt. I have many scars and I'm hoping that somehow this will help her to feel more comfortable in front of me.

I slide the cotton over my shoulders and down my back and Catherine's eyes widen as my scars come into view. Her fingers go to the twisted bite-mark on my shoulder tracing it gently. I shiver inwardly at the contact but I let her study my wounds. Her eyes focus on the mirror behind me and she takes note of the permanent welts left by the buckle of my father's heavy leather belt. I'm surprised that I don't feel so afraid about allowing her to see and touch. I've always wanted to hide them from everyone else's eyes and hands, especially when I care so much about what the other person might think or say, but here, with Catherine, I feel overwhelmingly safe. Though I can see her sadness as she focuses on each one in turn no doubt picturing how they've ended up on my body, there is no disgust and while I knew in my heart that there never would be I still feel a measure of relief.

I reach forward and slowly start to unbutton her shirt the rest of the way. As I suspected when I draw the fabric of her shirt open I find more bite marks, angry and red. I'm pretty certain at least one of them will be permanent. I kiss her softly as I allow the material to drop to the floor. She allows me to unbutton her jeans and steps out of them as they fall. I turn her towards the shower standing behind her as I unclasp her bra trying to remind myself that it's not the time for my libido to kick in. There's a bite-mark over her left nipple and I cry inwardly at the pain she must have gone through. Catherine bravely grasps the waistband of her panties and lowers them to the floor. As I lead her forward and encourage her to step into the shower I admire her body, the one I have been wanting, envying for so long.

"God you are so, so beautiful." I'm simply mesmerized by her beauty. It's the whole truth. This woman is gorgeous.

She steps under the jet of hot water and turns to face me. I lock my eyes onto hers and I slowly take the rest of my clothes off. Though I'm self-conscious I allow her to stare at me as I strip out of my jeans, bra and panties.

Without saying a single word, I step behind her in the shower and reach for her body wash. Pouring a liberal amount onto my hands I begin to soap her body. Realizing that I'm neither staring nor drooling, Catherine relaxes even more into my caresses and actually lets herself enjoy our first shower together. I wash her hair and let her do the same for me. It's intimate but not sexual. It's beautiful, she's beautiful.

She steps out of the shower and hands me a towel. "Are you going to stay with me?"

"That was my plan."

Catherine smiles. _Hell did I mention she's beautiful?_ She leaves the bathroom and comes back with a change of clothes. I don't really need one, but she insists.

Under the sheets, Catherine rests her head on my shoulder and holds me tight. I feel her tears against my skin but I say nothing, I just hold her in return until we both drift into sleep.

When I wake up I see Catherine is already awake and looking out of the window. I watch her in silence but somehow she senses my eyes on her. She looks at me for a split second before returning her gaze to the window.

"He was on top of me when I woke up," she says in a whisper. "He tore my shirt off; making the buttons fly everywhere then he started touching me, biting my neck and my chest. He wanted me to know he had the time to mark me. He had all the time in the world and he was going to enjoy it." Catherine stops talking and places both hands over her stomach.

I didn't think she would want to talk about this so soon but I'm relieved that she does. No matter how much it hurts it's important for her to get this out. I get out of bed and step towards her resting my hands on her arms.

"He took my pants and panties off and entered me with one single thrust. God it hurt so much!" Putting a hand over her mouth she tries, unsuccessfully, to stop more sobs escaping. "He didn't even wait before starting to thrust again and again. He hit me twice when I wouldn't look at him."

"And then what happened?"

"He must have hit me hard enough to knock me out again because when I woke up he was gone and my hands were free again."

"Did you notice if he used protection?"

"He told me he wasn't using a condom, he wanted me to be able to really feel him." she says biting her lip. "I told the nurses at the hospital everything and they collected all the evidence." Catherine turns her body towards me and we stand there just looking into each others eyes.

"I didn't want you guys to see me like that. So I put my clothes back on and called a cab to go the hospital. I know it was the wrong thing to do but…"

"You are a victim on this case Cat, not a CSI." I reassure her. I can't believe she's berating herself.

"What if, what if I lose my job because of this stupid mistake Sara? What am I going to do? There is nothing else I'm good at, except stripping I guess but I don't want to do that anymore. And anyway who would want to see an old woman without clothes?"

"I would," I offer sincerely. Catherine shakes her head smiling. "Catherine, you won't lose your job. There's no reason you would, you're the victim here. Neither Grissom, the guys nor me will let anything happen to you."

"I hope you are right, because I really love being a CSI."

"I know you do," I answer kissing her lips, "and you're an amazing CSI, the lab wouldn't be so highly regarded without you." Catherine opens her mouth allowing my tongue to slip inside and taste her. God she tastes incredible. "Come on, I think we better get up now if we want to enjoy our day at the zoo."

"And who says I want to go?" I look at her with a long face not sure if she's serious. Lindsey wouldn't be the only one disappointed, I'm looking forward to it too. Catherine laughs at me and nods. "Ok…. Ok…. we are going."

In the kitchen I put away the dishes from last night and arrange the table for breakfast. I find everything I need to make pancakes and brew up some fresh coffee. Lindsey appears at the kitchen door after a few minutes. She steps in and takes a seat at the table.

"Hi, do you want me to make you some eggs or some pancakes maybe?"

"Usually I have toast and chocolate milk."

"Ok, toast and chocolate milk coming right up."

"You don't have to do it," I freeze at her tone but nod in understanding. Lindsey comes closer to me. "When mom comes home and she's really tired I make my own breakfast… it's no biggie."

"Ok, but I don't mind you know." Lindsey started picking out the things she needed.

"Sara, what really happened to my mom? I heard her crying at Aunt Nancy's place and yesterday she was pretty sad and angry, and she's never like that. When I try to talk about it no one will tell me what is going on."

I sigh, Lindsey is such a beautiful and bright little girl. I gather my words before I speak. "You know, when grown-ups don't tell you things it is because they don't want you to worry or be upset."

"I know but when my mom is upset I feel hurt too. She's my mommy and I love her." I hear the tears in her voice and leave what I'm doing in order to kneel in front of the girl. I pull her into an embrace, squeezing her hair.

"I know you love her sweetie and she loves you too, very, very, VERY much."

"I want to know the truth."

I look up and see Catherine standing in the doorway. There are yet more tears in her eyes but she's nodding at me. _Shit, what do I tell her?_

"Lindsey, your mom had a very bad experience with a guy a few days ago. He hurt her. He made her very sad and when that happens it takes time until things can get back to normal again. She will be sad for a while…"

"You mean like I was when daddy died?"

"Yes, just like that," I say relieved that she gets what I mean. She is such a smart kid. "But time makes you feel better doesn't it?" She nods "We just have to be patient, ok? And try not to fight with her. Can you do that?"

"Yes," Lindsey answers convinced.

I hug Lindsey and look up again at Catherine. "Thank you Lindsey. Now, I think I'd better finish the pancakes before your mom joins us."

"She looked for you first, right, after the bad man hurt her?" I nod. "Why? I mean, why did she not go to Aunt Nancy?"

"Because I needed someone who understands what happened and who wouldn't ask questions until I was ready to talk," Catherine answers looking deeply into Sara's brown eyes. The little girl jumps up from her chair and runs to hug her mom's legs.

"I'm sorry mommy, I knew about the rules last night but I thought that with Sara here I might be able to stay up later. I didn't want to make you sad."

"It's ok sweetie. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I didn't want to do that." Catherine takes a seat and pulls her daughter onto her lap hugging her tightly. Lindsey returned her mom's embrace with equal fervor.

I serve Catherine with the breakfast I've made and sit opposite the two Willows'. "What time should we set off to the zoo then?" I ask.

"We are still going?" asks the little girl her eyes excitedly flitting between her mom and me.

"I thought maybe we can go soon and then get some lunch afterwards. What do you say kiddo?" Catherine suggests. Lindsey screams and jumps up from her mom's lap. "Hey, hey, you didn't finish your breakfast young lady." Lindsey comes straight back and drinks the chocolate milk through her straw in a matter of seconds and I had to try very hard not to laugh.

"Like mother, like daughter," I say looking at her with a smile.

"And you can go and get dressed while I clean up in here," the beautiful Catherine orders, invading my personal space and kissing my cheek.

"Yes mom" I answer cheekily. Catherine pulls out her tongue and I respond in kind before heading to get changed. She is so damn cute!

**tbc**

**Author's note**:

Some of you guys asked me about a seuxal encounter between the two girls and I can garantee that it will happen. But first, I thought I should take care of a few things that are also important in able to make Catherine regain her strenght back. ;)


	7. Chapter 7

**In this chapter Lindsey, Sara and Catherine will have fun in the zoo, and Sara will receive an unexpected but great phone call during lunch time. ;) Hope you all enjoy and don't forget my review, ok? **

**Though the idea of the zoo was mine I think Deb (wee idgie) should take most of the credit. Thanks girl! I'm really enjoying having you as my beta.**

**

Whilst most kids like the lions or the elephants best Lindsey, it seems, is fascinated with the flamingos. As soon the she sees them she grabs her mother's hand and runs across to their enclosure pushing past the gathered people in order to take a closer look. I actually agree with her, they are beautiful creatures. With their white and pink plumage, spindly yet elegant legs and long, sinuous necks you can almost imagine you're looking at a mass of graceful ballerinas warming up for an ensemble performance. They certainly seem to be popular with the little girls in the crowd.

Most of the flock is in typical flamingo pose with one leg tucked under their bodies. I explain to Lindsey that when they raise a leg they're essentially half-asleep. Flamingos have the ability to switch off half of their brain and body to let it rest while the other half keeps functioning. The leg they stand on is the 'awake' leg. Lindsey mouths a 'wow' and I can tell Catherine is also reasonably impressed by my geekiness. That thought draws yet another smile from my lips.

"Sara?"

"Yeah Linds?"

"Do you like cotton-candy?"

I blink at the little blonde wondering how we've launched straight from the sleeping habits of flamingos into the merits of spun sugar. "Um yeah I do, why?"

"Mom?"

"Yes Linds?"

"Can I share some of my cotton-candy with Sara?" Catherine looks at me and then back to Lindsey in complete confusion.

"But you don't have any cotton-candy sweetheart."

"Ah that's where you come in. Please can you buy me some so I can share it with Sara?" Oh she's good. This little girl is very good. I can see Catherine's sense of logic and a definite talent for being able to manipulate the situation to get her own way. She is so Catherine's clone. I can't help but snigger and Catherine looks at me as though I were her second daughter.

"And just what are you finding so funny, lady?" That makes me laugh even more.

"Please Auntie Catherine? Please can we get some cotton-candy?" I adopt a childlike tone and bat my eyelids. Lindsey clearly thinks I'm wonderful and begins to giggle wrapping her arms around my left leg.

"You can't say no mom, Sara's always a good girl... um... lady." Lindsey looks slightly unsure of whether I'm actually an adult or a kid right now and that is enough for Catherine, she crumbles into laughter.

"What have I done to deserve you two?" she mutters still grinning. I look down at Lindsey and then we both shrug at Catherine. "Come on then," she caves.

"Yessss!" Lindsey punches the air with her tiny fist and skips forward in front of us.

"Whatever it was it must have been pretty damn phenomenal," Catherine whispers under her breath more to herself than anyone else and my heart soars.

Lindsey happily sucks on a fist-full of the overly sweet pink fluff as we wander into the primate quarter. Las Vegas Zoo boasts the last family of Barbary apes in the United States and quite wonderfully they are tame enough to feed.

I buy a bag of peanuts from a vendor and we make our way over to the enclosure which has mesh large enough for the apes to reach their hands through. I hand Lindsey a peanut. She looks down at it hesitantly then over to the apes who are all lined up by the fence. I sense her nervousness and take out a peanut myself. "They won't hurt you know, they're gentle. Watch..."

I walk slowly over to the mesh and crouch down on one knee waiting for one of the apes to get curious enough to come over, it doesn't take long. I hold my palm out flat with the nut in the centre and she immediately reaches out to take it. "See." Lindsey has moved to stand right behind my shoulder and is enthralled.

I repeat the process and the ape takes the peanut again. "You wanna try?" Lindsey nods and holds out her little palm with the peanut balanced on it. Gently the ape takes the offered nut and Lindsey giggles. "Try this?" I give her another peanut and close her fingers over it. "Keep it hidden like this, see what happens."

The ape regards us with what could possibly be classed as amusement then reaches a second hand through the fence. She holds Lindsey's tiny palm steady with one hand and ever so gently pries open her fingers one at a time with the other to get to the prize held inside. Lindsey is overjoyed by this and repeats the process chuckling softly to herself.

"You want a go?" I ease myself upright and turn to face Catherine who is watching us with the serenest of expressions. Her eyes are glistening and I smile warmly at her. She takes a peanut and feeds our new friend then whispers softly in my direction. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Me too, it's surprising actually how good I'm feeling."

"Why do you say that?"

"I usually feel a little uncomfortable in places full of happy families. It's a glaring reminder of just how dysfunctional my family really was. I wish I had one nice memory of being taken out, for ice cream maybe or to play in the park."

"It's not too late for that you know," Catherine says with a smile. I gaze at her mouth intently as she speaks and nod somewhat vaguely momentarily distracted by the movement. "Sara?" I reluctantly drag my eyes from her luscious lips to meet her gaze only to register her leaning in and pressing her soft, beautiful lips against mine. I'm taken completely by surprise and don't even have time to respond before she's pulling away again. Catherine smirks at my silent protest and indicates Lindsey as the reason for her brevity. I suck my bottom lip into my mouth trying to recapture the elusive taste.

We stroll around some more, with Catherine stealing the occasional kiss in those moments when Lindsey's attention is diverted. She's just delicious.

"Ooh look," Lindsey's excited voice breaks my reverie and I look down to see her eagerly pointing towards another enclosure.

Catherine follows the direction in which her daughter is pointing, "I don't see anything."

"You have to look harder mom," Lindsey says rolling her eyes. "You're supposed to be good at finding things."

"Hey, I didn't deserve that!" Catherine replies pretending to be hurt. Lindsey rolls her eyes again and I can't stop a snigger escaping.

When Catherine does finally clap eyes on the animal Lindsey is itching to take a closer look at, her face says it all. She steps back a full pace, and I gather they're definitely not her cup of tea.

"If your mom doesn't want to visit the 'gators, she could sit and wait for us on that bench and maybe," I adopt a teasing tone, "if she's very good and doesn't wander off, she can have a treat afterwards, what do you reckon Linds?"

Catherine looks at me with disbelief at my conspiratorial tone while Lindsey just bursts out laughing. I extend my hand to the little girl throwing a wink at her delicious and mock-pouty mother as we head towards the enclosure.

"Ooh look at his teeth, they are so big." Lindsey is amazed. "How many does he have Sara?"

"I don't know, but I can safely say I wouldn't like to be his dentist."

After spending a fair bit of time watching the toothy predator we head back to find Catherine sat, good as gold, exactly where we'd left her.

"I thought you guys had forgotten me."

"Like we'd ever do that mom," Lindsey answers before I can. She's too funny. "I'm hungry," she sighs in a typically childlike way.

"What do you want to eat kiddo?"

"Tacos!"

"Then tacos it is." Catherine smiles and inclines her head as she turns to walk away. Both Lindsey and I hurriedly fall in step with her.

We end up at the best Mexican restaurant in Vegas, Roberto's, which delights both Lindsey and myself. I'm a big fan of Mexican food.

During our meal the conversation is light and easy and Lindsey is right in the heart of it. I've said it before but I'll say it again, she's a wonderfully bright little girl and spending time with her is a pleasure.

The ringing of my phone suddenly interrupts the merriment. I excuse myself from the table to take the call and I'm glad I have when I see the caller ID shows it's Greg.

"What is it Greg?"

"That's how you start a conversation with the sexiest dude in the lab?" he jokes. I just tut at him. "I'm calling because we've identified the guy from the DNA and trace evidence. Brass is bringing him in as we speak."

"Oh thank God." I let out a breath that without realizing I'd been holding in since Catherine showed up on my doorstep.

"Do you think Catherine will be up to making an ID? We have a lot of good evidence but…"

"It'll help at the trial, I know. I'll talk to her and see if she'll do it. Greg?"

"Yeah?"

"Is there any way you'll be able to get Brass to start the interrogation after the ID parade, I want to be there."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Sara," Greg replies with concern. "Grissom has told everyone not to let you see anything on the case. He won't approve."

"Then don't let him know Greg." There's a lump forming in my throat and I know I have to be there. "Please," I beg him "it's really important to me."

"Why?"

"Please Greg?"

There's a long pause, his reluctance hangs in the air but he eventually answers me. "You know, sometimes I wish I didn't like you so much. You always put me in this kind of situation."

"I'm sorry Greg," I say sincerely. I'm lucky he's such a good friend. "You are an angel though." I can sense he's blushing. I seem to have that effect on him not that I like to think about him having a crush on me. "Look I have to go. Thanks again. I'll see you later."

When I get back to the table, Catherine is looking at me a little concerned. "It was the lab." I nod towards Lindsey as I speak and I don't have to say anything else, Catherine understands.

"Lindsey, Mommy has to do some things this afternoon so when you've finished your ice-cream we'll have to take you over to Aunt Nancy's."

"But I want stay with you two," the little blonde immediately adopts a whiny tone and I see the frustration appearing in Catherine's face. I shake my head and throw her a warning look. They don't need to be fighting right now. I'm surprised that I feel comfortable enough to put myself between mother and daughter and even more surprised that Catherine seems to be ok with it.

"I'm going to pay the bill," Catherine says as she pushes away from the table and walks to the counter. Lindsey looks about to complain again but I interrupt before she can speak.

"Linds, we really need to go into work to help the guys find the bad man who hurt your mom. I promise that as soon as we have finished we'll come and pick you up, ok?"

"You don't have to make promises Sara. It happens all the time," she folds her arms and sits back, "and I'm fine now anyway."

"We both know that's not true kiddo," Lindsey looks at me in surprise. "It's ok to be upset but you need to understand that your mom doesn't leave you because she wants to. I know she would like nothing better than to spend all day with you."

"If she doesn't want to be away so much why can't she get a new job or ask Uncle Gil if she can work less hours?"

"Your mom works so hard so she has the money to give you a comfortable life. You are the most important person in the world to her. She's really good at her job Lindsey. She's one of the best and she helps a lot of people. You know that don't you?"

"Yeah."

"Don't you think it's nice that she does something she loves and that she is so good at?"

"I guess… She never explained it like that before."

"Did you ever ask her?"

"No, we usually just fight."

"Well how about next time you ask her about it. I know she'd be happy to know that you care about what she does."

"I do like it when she asks me about school," Lindsey says seeming a little happier now she understands. "Can I ask you about work too?"

"Of course you can sweetie, any time." I raise my hand to stroke her soft blonde hair smiling genuinely at her. Catherine returns asking if we're ready to go. Looking up at her mom with a new found measure of respect Lindsey smiles, gets up and grabs her hand.

"Sure mom." Catherine looks at me with her eyebrow raised but I simply smile and follow the pair of them out of the door.

Two hours later and we're heading into the PD. Brass is waiting along with Grissom in the observation room. Catherine has held my hand up to this point but just as we step inside she drops it sending a small smile my way.

Brass regards Catherine with doleful respect "I'm really sorry about what happened, Catherine." He shakes his head. I know he'd have done anything to have been able to protect her.

"I know, thanks Jim."

"Are you sure you're ok to do this?" Grissom asks with gentle concern for his friend.

"Yeah," Catherine's unease is marked, her usual confidence absent. "Let's just get it over with."

"You need to leave Sara," Grissom addresses me quietly without looking me in the eye. There is no way I'm leaving and I open my mouth to tell him that in no uncertain terms but Catherine speaks before I do.

"Gil, I need her to be here." God she sounds so vulnerable I just want to wrap my arms around her but I settle instead for fixing Grissom with a 'just you even try to evict me' look. His expression shows he's beaten and he flips off the lights. The men file into the booth and stand as directed in a line.

One by one each man is called and steps forward. Catherine watches in trepidation as the first, second and third do as directed but as the fourth steps into the light Catherine goes rigid and begins to tremble. I can see from her reflection in the glass that her eyes have glazed and I know immediately, from personal experience, that she's having flashbacks. Number five performs the same routine as the previous four but she's no longer watching.

"Number four." Her voice cracks as she speaks.

"Are you sure?" Grissom asks. I know that he already knew that. He's been reading Catherine's body language as well as I have but he has to ask her to confirm her choice. Catherine nods and turns away her eyes no longer able to hold the tears in. Grissom stares at his paperwork checking the information they have as the room falls into silence. Finally, after God knows how long, he nods and addresses Catherine who is stood as close to me as she can be without us being in physical contact. "Thank you Catherine, we've enough evidence to put him away for a very long time." He opens the door turning just before he leaves. "Take her home Sara."

As the door swings shut Brass speaks up. "We're going to start in about five minutes Sara." Catherine looks at me a little shocked and there's an undercurrent of hurt too. Brass, sensing the tension, leaves the room his face still somber.

"I already told you what happened, Sara."

"I need to do this Cat."

"What, so you can check I told you the truth?"

"What? No! How can you even say that?"

She shakes her head. God the tears are streaming down her cheeks. "I thought you believed me! But you know what, fine, do whatever you want to do Sara. I'm going home."

"Cat, wait" I shout running out into the hallway after her. "I just want to know why he did it."

"I know and I asked you the same thing, why me? But it doesn't matter anymore does it? It won't change anything so why don't you leave it alone?"

I feel the tears welling up in my own eyes. "No one cared when it was me Catherine and I promise myself I'd never be like that… pretend that it doesn't affect me, that I don't want to know why he hurt the one I love." Catherine's eyes go wide and the anger and tears immediately subside. She looks at me in amazement. "What, what is it?"

"You said _love_?" There's the ghost of a smile creeping onto her lips.

"I did?" Catherine nods. I think I'm as surprised as she is that I've let that slip. "Look, I need to do this, please understand Cat?" I plead before turning around and heading for the interview room. I can't believe I just said that but as I think about it I realize it's the truth. It was just words of honesty spilling out in a moment of real emotion._ I love Catherine!_

**tbc**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for taking so long to update... Do you guys want to know why he did it? Then, read to find out ;)**

Thanks Deb for the wonderful help!!

**

I stand, carefully observing everything glad of the thick, one-way glass separating me from Earl Fredericks and from Grissom, God knows how he'd react if he knew I was in here.

Fredericks is a distinctly tall man, with almost black hair and dark eyes. With the one exception of a relatively large, jagged scar on the left side of his neck, his appearance is relatively ordinary.

"Mr. Fredericks, I'm Gil Grissom and I work for the crime lab. I imagine my colleague has already told you why you're here?"

Fredericks raises his head and looks at Grissom blinking slowly. His voice is thin and raspy and I suddenly have to fight a wave of nausea. That man raped Catherine.

"Detective Brass has explained that you are looking for a rapist who attacked a woman a few nights ago. He believes that I am that man but I don't know what he is talking about."

"I see." Grissom pauses, studying the man carefully. He takes Catherine's photo out of the file and pushes it in front of Fredericks. "Do you know this woman?"

Fredericks leans over and picks up the picture raking his eyes slowly over it before he answers. "No, I don't." His lips quirk as he speaks.

"Are you sure about that? You've never seen her anywhere?" He remains silent but his dark eyes bore into Grissom. Chills are running through me now as a matter of course.

Brass interrupts the staring match. "What about the Fontaine Motel?"

"What about it, Detective?"

"You ever booked a room there?"

"No!"

"You ever been there?"

"Not that I recall."

"But you know where it is right? You live three blocks from there."

"That doesn't mean anything!"

"You're correct Mr Fredericks," Grissom replies, "but here is the problem; your story doesn't quite fit with our evidence."

Fredericks shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "Well that's because you're wrong!"

Grissom purses his lips and pushes his chair back from the table. He reaches into his kit and produces a swab. "Mr Fredericks, I need to collect a sample of your DNA for comparison against the evidence we have collected from the crime scene."

Fredericks' eyes narrow. "No!"

"Mr Fredericks, if you have nothing to hide then it is advisable for you to cooperate and help clear your name." He steps closer and pops the swab case open.

"Did you not hear me? I said NO!" He slams both hands down on the table as his anger rises.

Brass immediately stands and walks around the table. He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a white form shaking it open and placing it in front of the dark-haired suspect. "A warrant…" he bends down to whisper in the man's ear, "for your DNA. I suggest you cooperate. Of course we can take it by force."

Grissom leans over and collects his buccal swab, capping the end and placing it safely back inside the box.

Fredericks is rattled, his composure is rapidly failing him. I can't help but think the guy is stupid. He left enough evidence to make this a slam dunk and he's still denying it.

Grissom seats himself comfortably pressing his palms together before he speaks again. "Mr Fredericks, we have processed a lot of evidence in this case. We have collected DNA samples from the motel room, from the victim's car and from the victim. I'll wager that when we test it, it will be a match to your DNA. It's your final opportunity to give us your side of the events."

Fredericks starts clenching and unclenching his fists and staring down at the table. I can feel the tension radiating from Brass as he paces behind the suspect. He looks directly at the one way mirror knowing I'm watching everything. I know they're trying to force a confession for Catherine's sake. If he falters she won't have to take the stand in his trial, an ordeal none of us want her to have to go through.

"I have to say," Brass leans menacingly into the man from behind, "you messed with the wrong people here. Not only are you up against the best crime lab in the country but you took one of our own. We don't take kindly to that Mr Fredericks." He overemphasizes the man's name and Fredericks flinches at Brass's proximity. There is anger in his eyes but he doesn't say a thing.

I'm startled by a shuffling noise behind me. "Catherine, what are you doing here? You really shouldn't..."

"If you can be here, I can be here." There is determination in her voice and I know not to argue with her. I don't think it's wise for her to put herself through this but I know I can't and won't force her to go.

"What has he said?" She asks hesitantly standing a step behind me and looking nervously into the room.

"He's denying it. Are you sure you want to be here?"

"No, but somehow I need to hear what he has to say." I nod at her. She needs to know why too.

Behind the glass Brass is continuing his little speech in the hope he'll provoke a reaction. "Hey Earl, you know what, if your DNA matches, no jury on the planet will let you walk free." I smile, Brass's body language and manner is as intimidating as it possibly can be. "Kidnapping...? Rape...? Murder...?"

Fredericks suddenly pales as white as a sheet. "I didn't kill her!" He realizes his mistake as immediately as I do. My mouth drops open. We got him! He caved just like that. We would have had him anyway, the evidence is too strong but now we have a verbal confession of sorts and Catherine won't have to testify, _thank God_. Maybe we'll even get the reason.

"Sorry, my bad," Brass grins smugly, "I meant attempted murder." Earl Fredericks fidgets uncomfortably. He knows as well as we do that the game is up.

"Why her?" Grissom asks the question that's on all our minds. I reach back and pull Catherine into me wrapping my arms around her. She's trembling which is to be expected and she's cold as ice. I rub her arms trying to warm her up a bit and reassure her that I'm right here. Her eyes are rooted to the events on the other side of that glass.

Fredericks is silent for a long while battling with himself, probably wondering if he can still rectify his situation but eventually his shoulders sag and he begins to speak. "I met her at a bar. She was there alone. She'd had a bad day so I bought her a drink. God she was so incredibly sexy. That dress. Those eyes..." he trails off as his eyes glaze over, a small smile playing over his lips.

"What happened next?" Grissom brings him back to the present.

"I tried to work the old charm you know, but she turned me down. I gave it another try. You don't give up on a chance like her. I asked her to dance with me but she declined, she said she was too hung up someone else."

"Then what?"

"I left her to her drink, but I watched her. You can't keep your eyes off a woman like that."

"What did she do next, Mr Fredericks?"

The dark-haired man grits his teeth and furrows his brow. His words are spat into the air. "She danced."

"She danced?"

"Yeah, she danced. She walked right up to this tall, dark, skinny woman, dragged her to the dance floor and began to grind herself against her." I feel Catherine freeze against me.

The only outward sign of Grissom's surprise is one slightly raised eyebrow in Brass's direction but our scumbag picks up on it and grins insanely.

"Yeah," he snorts evilly, his confidence soaring, "even you geniuses didn't know she's a fucking dyke did you?" He stares at Grissom darkly, "So has your little lesbian colleague turned you down too?"

Catherine brings her hand up to cover her mouth in shock. I try to draw her even closer to me.

"That made you angry? You don't like being turned down do you Mr Fredericks?"

"I waited and followed her to her car. You should always forgive a woman like her. You can give her a second chance. They just need a chance to realize."

"We drove across the city. I made her drive. She just needed time to see it… our connection… she was too beautiful to abandon. I was going to take her home but at the last minute decided the Fontaine was a better choice. She just needed a man to take control, to show her. I had to show her… I had to save her."

"So you knocked her out and dragged her into the motel and you showed her?"

"Ah you're skeptical? It's the only way with those dykes, Detective. You have to fuck it clean out of them!"

With a glance in my direction Brass addresses the police officer at the door. "Take him… NOW!"

I feel Catherine knees buckle underneath her and before I know it we are kneeling opposite each other, my arms wrapped as tightly round her as they can be. I hold her in silence until the wracking sobs give way to soft shuddering sighs. I'm incredibly grateful that no one has just burst in. I imagine Brass has made sure no one has wandered in here because he knows I'll be in trouble for watching.

"Come on, lets get out of here," I whisper, holding both her hands in mine. Catherine leans forward and kisses me gently on the mouth, her clammy, tear-stained cheek lightly touching mine.

Brass is in the hallway having a conversation with the arresting officer as he clocks us emerge. He steps our way surprised. "Catherine, you were in there?" He notices Catherine's puffy eyes and says no more, he doesn't have to. Right at that moment Grissom rounds the corner and I can tell he immediately knows where we've both been.

"I thought you had left?" Grissom addresses Catherine quietly. I guess he actually realizes that now is not the time to lecture protocols.

"I was, but I changed my mind. I'm…" Catherine wipes her palm over her forehead, "I'm sorry you guys had to find out this way."

"Catherine, what we found out in there may have us both a little surprised but it changes nothing." Brass gently rests his palm on her forearm. "The only thing that matter's now is you and your happiness," he pauses looking over at Grissom waiting for him to say something but when it becomes obvious that Grissom isn't going to venture any input Brass clears his throat and continues. "Catherine, the girl who wins your heart will be the luckiest woman in the world to have you."

My chest clenches at his words. He's so right and _God_, it dawns on me, _she's chosen me!_ I suddenly feel overwhelmed and weak.

Brass looks me directly in the eye and I swear he knows. He's always looked out for me almost like a father figure. His eyes twinkle. Yeah he knows but he's not going to say.

"Thank you." Catherine hugs the detective.

"Well, I have places to be. Be safe ok?" Catherine nods watching Brass disappear into the warren of corridors before steeling herself and turning to look at Grissom. Grissom and Catherine have been friends for a long time and I know, hell we all know, just how much his thoughts and opinions matter to her. I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable and I can't help but wonder why it's taking him so long to speak. The awkwardness of the situation and the intense silence makes my head start to buzz and I know I'm going to have to say something myself. Just as I open my mouth Grissom finally finds his tongue.

"If that's what you want Catherine…" his tone and the way he pauses makes it sound like he cut his pathetic attempt at a sentence short. He chews uncomfortably on his lip for a few moments before turning and walking away. I could quite cheerfully kill him sometimes, okay so he's not a people person but his timing and inhumanity have me seething.

I notice the solitary tear creeping down Catherine's cheek as she raises her hand to wipe it away. Damn him!

As we step into the parking lot I slip my hand into hers and it's not a moment too soon. It feels so very natural now.

I drive us back in silence with her staring out of the window. I have a feeling she isn't actually seeing anything.

She's so vulnerable and yet at the same time so beautiful. I stop at a red light and squeeze her hair softly, making her turn to look at me and smile.

"You ok?" She nods. "You are so beautiful." I take a deep breath. "I love your smile. You should never let anyone stop you smiling." I brush my finger over her lips before leaning in to kiss her. Startled back to our location by the driver behind's decision to honk his horn I realize the light is now green.

Catherine abandons herself to her soft laughter. "I'm sorry honey, but I didn't know I was such a distraction to you."

_Oh you have no idea_, I think to myself. "We need to stop off somewhere on the way, ok?" Catherine nods and turns her attention back to her space-staring, but as soon as she realizes I've turned down her sister's street, she sits bolt upright.

Unbuckling my seatbelt, I suggest she waits in the car as I go to the front door. Jeremy answers. "Hi Jeremy, remember me, Sara? Can you get Lindsey for me?"

Before he could shout anything, the little girl burst through the door from behind him and hugged me tightly, almost knocking us both to the ground. "Hey little tornado…"

"I can't believe you came."

"What? Of course I came, I made a promise didn't I kiddo?"

"Hi Sara," Nancy joins us at the door, also happy to see me. "I wasn't expecting you. Come in."

"Thanks but I'm not stopping. We just came to pick this one up." I ruffle Lindsey's hair as she hugs me again.

"Where's Catherine? Is she ok?"

"She's waiting in the car. It's been a really tough day for her. I'm sure she'll call you tomorrow…"

"Of course, just you look after her Sara." I nod. _That goes without saying._

"Can we go now?" asks Lindsey impatiently.

"Of course short stuff," I answer ruffling her hair once more. We both say goodbye to her aunt and cousin and get in the car.

"Hey sweetie, how was the rest of your day?"

"Fine, we played video-games and had pizza for dinner."

"So you enjoyed yourself?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't as fun as being with you guys."

"I'm sorry baby, but we didn't have a choice."

"I know. Sara told me." Before Catherine can say anything, Lindsey continues. "She said that you didn't want to leave me here but you had to go to work to help catch the bad man and I understand. But I still missed you."

Catherine's face showed her surprise and her emotion. "Well we missed you too sweetheart." she replies looking from the girl to me. _'Thank you'_, she mouths in my direction.

-- -- --

I squint my eyes against the light streaming through a chink in the curtains. The bedside clock shows 10:15 am. Although it's fairly late we didn't manage to get much sleep.

Catherine suffered two nightmares, one significantly worse than the other. She'd cried continuously until there were no tears left and she was hiccupping in my arms while I whispered sweet, soothing words into her ear.

The beautiful woman beside me stirs, resting a hand on my stomach. I kiss her strawberry blonde head, rubbing her back comfortingly like I had been doing in the aftermath of the nightmare. It had helped last night.

"Hmmm, that's so good… don't stop…"

"I didn't realize you were so sensitive?"

"You have no idea." Catherine whispers, moving so she is in a position to kiss my neck. "I'm sorry about the bad night."

"Don't be sorry Catherine. It wasn't your fault."

"I wish I could put all that happened behind me now that he's going to jail... but I just can't seem to get the pictures, the sounds, the smells out of here..." She taps her head gently and I nod. I understand her completely. I hug her even tighter. "He'll not get out will he, Sara?"

"He'll never be able to hurt you again Catherine." I promise her.

When my eyes meet hers she's looking at me intensely, a mixture of emotions swirling in the dark blue depths. Desire... pain... lust... need... I get lost in the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen and before I know it her lips are pressed demandingly on mine. To say I'm a little surprised by her intensity is an understatement. I try to speak but she immediately thrusts out her tongue filling my mouth with her need, her taste. I can't help the moan that escapes from my mouth into hers. Despite my brain telling me to stop, my body refuses to listen. It is set alight with my own rushing desire.

Her tongue probes and swirls around mine, it feels so good, really, REALLY, good, so much so I find my hand winding into her hair pressing us closer. God this woman can kiss!

I feel her body sliding against mine and warm hands running upwards underneath my shirt. I groan as the annoying voice in my head asserts itself again, I know we have to stop.

"Catherine..." _oh God_... "Cat... please, stop!"

"No!"

"Cat, please... I..." Shit, hurry up Sidle she's nearly got your shirt off. "I don't want this."

"I thought you wanted me, like I want you…" Shit, the hurt in her voice is unbearable. "...the way you… the way you kissed me Sara… I?"

"I do want you. Oh God Catherine I _want_ you... but this," I gesture between us, "isn't about us. It's about forgetting Fredericks." I pull her hands from under my shirt and rest one against my hammering heart. "I don't want our first time to be about blocking out that bastard, you're too important to me to let this happen now. I want it to be special." I see my words register in her eyes.

The heat between us is still tangible and my body is protesting. I know I have to move to stop myself ignoring my own reasoning and pushing this further. "I'll see you downstairs." With that I leave the room pulling the door shut behind me. It was close, so close. _Damn!_

Lindsey finds me standing in the hallway, "Hey Sara, everything ok?"

"Yeah, it's fine Linds. Your mom is just getting up and I'm going to make something for us to eat. Want to help?"

"Sure. What are you going to make?"

"How about… bacon and eggs?"

"But you're a vegetarian?"

I smile at her, she's so observant and it genuinely amazes me. "But you're not," I chuckle, "and neither is your mom, I can still cook it for you."

"What will you have though?"

"I can have an omelet and some toast."

"Cool!" Lindsey seems appeased by that. "I'll be there in a minute," she shouts before running off to her room.

I head to the kitchen and open the fridge, finding everything I need.

My mind wanders back to my encounter with Catherine minutes earlier. "Damn, I probably shouldn't have just left her like that," I mutter out loud to myself, "she is probably in there hating me right now."

"But she wouldn't have stopped herself, and you know that," a voice from behind startles me. "It was the right thing to do Sara."

I spin round to see the gorgeous owner of that voice standing in the doorway now dressed and for an endless moment I'm dumbstruck again by her beauty.

I'm brought back to reality by little whirlwind Willows thundering down the stairs and flying into the kitchen at breakneck speed. "I'm here!" I laugh at her enthusiasm and assign her the job of making the toast.

Lindsey does a great job on the toast so I let her monitor the bacon in the pan while I crack the eggs. She turns the rashers professionally just like I show her with the tongs. Catherine simply watches, a big smile radiating on her beautiful face.

Very shortly the food is ready and the table is set.

"Thank you for letting me help Sara," Lindsey whispers with a smile, "it was fun!"

"It _was_ fun, kiddo. And you know what? I think you'd make an excellent chef!"

Her whole face lights up. "Really?"

"Oh yeah!"

"Hey mom, did you hear that mom? I could be a chef!"

"I heard sweetie and I think Sara is right. If you wanted to be a chef I know you'd be a brilliant one."

Lindsey grins from ear to ear before hugging both me and her mom tightly.

"She is amazing," I say to Catherine when her daughter has disappeared into the living room.

"Yeah and you are amazing too," Catherine replies, hugging me from behind, "and not just now but all the time!" I find myself blushing a deep crimson at her praise and turn my head just enough to kiss her lightly on the lips.

"But I think we need to explain to her that a truly great chef does need to clean everything up after herself," she chuckles, nodding towards the sink full of dirty pots.

"True, but not today, she is too happy." I say smiling. Catherine agrees then kisses my cheek and down my neck, leaving goose-pimples pricking up on my body, before starting to help me wash up.

"You know when I was with Eddie we used sex to solve, or mask, any and every issue, whatever it was, good or bad. Sometimes it wasn't great, but we did it and that was it. But I should have known better before trying do that with you, I'm sorry."

"I understand your need to stop the pain and the bad memories Cat, I really do, but if we sleep together for the purpose of masking your pain, it will make you feel even sadder. It wouldn't feel special the way I know you want it to be and most certainly the way I want it to be."

"You are right. That's why I want to thank you for stopping me, for walking away."

I say nothing but I place a kiss into her hair, pouring all my love into that simple action.

Catherine continues, "I want to ask that we always maintain that level of respect and honesty with each other and that you always tell me when I'm out of line."

_Wow__!_ I fight the lump rising in my throat. The amazing Catherine Willows is freely giving herself to me. Not just in a physical sense, but her whole self. I manage to get command of my vocal ability long enough to whisper back to her, "Only if you do the same for me?"

"It's a deal!"

**tbc**


	9. Chapter 9

As Catherine puts away the last of the dishes from our late breakfast she suggests taking Lindsey shopping this afternoon to give me a chance to get some sleep. We are both very aware that there is no way I can ask Grissom for another shift off work. I know that it will probably be difficult for me to sleep but I have to try especially with last night's ups and downs. For the first time I actively curse being a member of the graveyard shift. I never realized till I tried to have a life outside work, just what it is doing to my body clock.

I watch Catherine and Lindsey putting on their shoes and I suddenly become conscious that they're leaving me at their house. It hadn't dawned on me before because I've just felt so comfortable here with them.

"Catherine…" how do I tell her that this feels a little weird? "…um… are you sure you're okay with leaving me here?"

She looks up from the task of zipping up her boot with a slightly confused expression. "Well of course I'd rather you came with us but we both know you need to get some sleep." Lindsey opens the door causing the sunlight to stream into the hallway, illuminating Catherine's beautiful red-gold waves and temporarily snatching the breath from my lungs. She looks like an angel.

Realizing I've not made myself clear, I smile at the thought that Catherine wants me with her. "No I mean maybe… um, probably I should like… go home? I mean this is your house and…"

It clicks as she stands upright and she interrupts me with a shake of her head and a reciprocal smile. "While you are here Sara, this is as much your house as mine." Her eyes fix on mine conveying her earnestness. "Please… treat it like your home."

I'm so touched by her wanting me to feel at home that I can't say anything. I simply pull her into an embrace and with a check over her shoulder at Lindsey who is lazily kicking up the stones in the driveway I press my lips lightly to hers.

I wave them off and push the door shut turning and leaning my back against it. I allow my mind to replay the last few days in sheer disbelief at how much has happened, at the events that have caused our lives to entwine so rapidly.

I know that I won't sleep straight away so I make my way into the living room and spend some time getting acquainted with my surroundings. I lift the pictures off the bookshelf one at a time and study them. There are a number of pictures of Catherine's family, her mom, her sister's family and even one of Eddie and Lindsey. My favorite though, is a photo that was clearly taken of Lindsey but has caught Catherine in the background.

Lindsey would probably be about four or five and the picture is a close up of the little girl's grinning face covered in strawberry ice-cream. Behind her you can see Catherine is smiling freely and moving towards the camera with a swooping motion ready to gather the unsuspecting little girl into her arms. It's so natural and carefree and the happiness that this picture makes me feel, purely from looking at it, is colossal.

I replace the picture carefully on the shelf and begin to look at the books on Catherine's bookcase. It's safe to say that they are a lot different to the ones that can be found on my bookshelves at home. There are a number of romance novels and quite a large section of cookery books. Maybe I can look for something nice to make us for dinner one day instead of the less adventurous 'old-favorites' that I usually make.

A travel book on Italy catches my eye and I take it down from its place intrigued by its well-thumbed condition. Tucking the book under my arm I head to the kitchen wanting a drink. I know that I can't have coffee if it's my intention to get any sleep this afternoon so I root around and find some herbal teas. I settle on the logical choice of chamomile and make my way to Catherine's bedroom.

Slipping out of my pants, I make myself comfortable against the headboard. As I open the guidebook I notice that the corners of a number of the pages have been turned down. Flipping to the first of these pages the book opens at Venice. I begin to read with a smile growing on my face. Venice is somewhere I've always wanted to go and the thought of visiting such an amazing city with Catherine makes my spine tingle.

The book is superb. It's less a guidebook and more like a journal written through the eyes of someone seeing the amazing sights of the watery city for the first time. Sipping my herbal tea I quickly find myself engrossed in the pages, the travel bug re-awakening within me with each new paragraph.

**

_What's that noise? _I stumble through fogginess in my mind until I realize that it's my cell phone. I scrunch my eyes tentatively opening one to see that I'm laid, on my front, diagonally, across a bed that's not my own. Oh yeah, I'm in Catherine's bed. My face had been pressed into her pillow, her scent filling my nostrils and senses making it so hard for me to focus. I stretch my arm out blindly trying to grab the offending noise-maker on the bedside table, a move which causes the travel book to fall from its position pressed against the headboard directly onto my skull with a 'thunk'. _Ouch!_

"Hello…" I gruff into the mouthpiece without having checked the caller ID.

"Sorry baby, were you sleeping?" _Baby…?_ Oh yeah, it's Catherine. The travel book hits the floor as I attempt to turn over and answer her with an unintelligible noise. "Sorry, I thought you might be getting up by now and Lindsey wanted to ask you something." I hear her passing the phone across and an overly bright childlike voice greets me.

"Hey Sara… do you want to come to the movies with us. We're going to see Ocean's Thirteen. It's supposed to be really cool. Have you seen the other two? I have. I want you to come and so does mom. She's say's you'd probably be able to before your shift. Please say you'll come?"

"Alright Lindsey, you've laid it on thick enough." I hear Catherine's voice in the background as she retrieves the phone from her daughter.

"But she's not answered yet mom. Make her come, please."

"Hello…" Catherine speaks to me again. I finally gain control of my vocal chords and speak into the mouthpiece.

"What time is it?"

"It's four-thirty. Listen Sara, you don't have to come, I didn't know if you'd have been up yet or not." I hear Lindsey's childlike protests at her mother's words.

"What time does the film start?"

"Five-fifteen but there'll be half an hour of trailers before the film I'm sure."

"I'll meet you outside the theatre in forty-five minutes."

"Are you sure because you probably need to sleep some more and I…"

I giggle to myself, Catherine is adorable. "I'll be there." I pause to swing my legs off the bed, "can't wait to see you guys."

"We can't wait to see you either. The spare key is in the door, just bring it with you."

I bid Catherine goodbye and head straight for the shower with a smile I couldn't hide if I was paid to. That was so cute. They missed me!

**

As I pull into the parking lot I can see Catherine and Lindsey waiting for me and my heart soars. It's almost as though I suddenly have a family. Woah, where did that thought come from? Once again I'm amazed by the speed of all this, yet it feels more right than anything in my life ever has.

I saunter over to them throwing an extra swing into my step for Catherine's benefit. I can see she notices and we both smile at each other. Lindsey grabs my hand and dramatically announces. "I thought you weren't coming…" I have to laugh as I'm precisely four minutes early.

In the queue Lindsey decides to explain that she chose the film because she thought the actors were hot. This little revelation makes Catherine almost choke. I nod with a serious face. "Yes I think you're right kiddo, Brad Pitt in this film… soooo HOT!" Catherine bats my arm and Lindsey giggles, she knows I'm humoring her.

I'm realizing what a good idea this was as we take our seats in the darkened theatre. I had thought Lindsey might want to sit between us but she heads into the row first followed by Catherine and I thank my lucky stars that l get to sit next to the most gorgeous woman in Vegas.

As the lights dim further Catherine checks Lindsey, who is very occupied by the mega bucket of popcorn I insisted on buying her, and raises the arm-rest between us so she can lean against me. I turn my head and kiss her hair. I want to pull her lips against mine so badly but I know that there's no way we could be discreet enough so I settle instead for placing my hand on the edge of her seat and rubbing against the outside of her thigh. She pushes closer into me and slips her hand off her lap to meet it before slowly curling her fingers into mine. Perfection!

The movie is actually quite good, though being the CSI I am I like to think that I've spotted at least a couple of flaws in the plot. As the time passes, marked by Catherine's gentle movements against me, her hand in mine and Lindsey regularly flinging her huge bucket of popcorn in our direction, I know I don't want to have to go to work. It is amazing how one person can change ingrained habits so quickly. Sara Sidle not wanting to go to work? Quick call NASA, something must be askew in the space-time continuum.

**

I'm at work fifteen minutes early for my shift which is unheard of. The last time Sara Sidle was less than an hour early? Well I don't think it's ever happened before. Greg passes a comment on it as I enter the break room. I ignore his sarcastic jibes and help myself to some of his coffee before settling on the sofa with a forensics journal back-issue.

Grissom is late and when he does finally arrive, he hands out the two new assignments, one to Warrick and the other to Nick and Greg. Apparently I'm helping him with an on-going case. Great!

Even though it galls me to, I hold my tongue about his behavior with Catherine yesterday as it appears he is going to hold his tongue about us both being privy to the interview. It's probably a good thing because I'm almost ready to out myself in order to give him something else to chew on. However I know that would most likely lead to questions about myself and Catherine that I'm not ready to face.

Just as I believe I've escaped the entire shift without any mention of yesterday's events Grissom leans forward over his microscope, removes his glasses and addresses me.

"You shouldn't have been in there you know." I know full well what he's referring to, it's been on my mind all night, but I refuse to make it easy for him. I narrow my eyes and fold my arms waiting for him to continue.

"You weren't on the case. And Catherine, Catherine shouldn't have heard all that."

"She needed to know why Grissom." He looks at me, his impassive face belaying the emotion I can see in his eyes. "I understand that. 'Why' is very important for a victim. You should know that!"

I don't think there is any need for me to explain to him that I wanted to be in there because '_I_' needed to know why as well. I watch as my supervisor searches for the right words, in fact for any words, the search is evident on his face but he comes up empty and so turns his attention back to his microscope.

**

I head to my place in order to take a shower and pick up some fresh clothes. I made a promise to Catherine that I'd come back to hers after shift but a slight detour to fetch clean clothes is necessary.

As I return to the Willows residence, my mood perks up once again. It really has to be love, I almost feel like I can fly when I'm around her. I can hear Lindsey even before the front door is opened to me. She's lost her homework and is dashing around frantically looking for it. Catherine rolls her eyes and grins at me as we hear whirlwind Willows thundering through the hallway and back up the stairs. I lean in and kiss her softly, allowing my lips to melt against hers. Yeah, I'm sure I can fly!

Eventually Lindsey unearths her homework and I immediately offer to take the little dynamo to school while Catherine moans about having to start the laundry. Lindsey is overjoyed and talks nineteen to the dozen all the way there.

When I get back I let myself in to see Catherine curled on the sofa with one of her romance novels. Her hair is tied back making the glimpses of her neck too tantalizing to pass up. I sit beside her and begin to nuzzle into her neck. It's not long before we're making out horizontally like horny teenagers. I feel the line approaching and reluctantly I draw back from her before we cross it.

"I need to get my head down for a bit." Catherine strokes my cheek softly and nods. "Wake me about two o'clock?" I kiss her one last time and make my way to her bedroom.

A faint knocking noise pulls me from my sleep and as I come to, I realize my movement is a little restricted. Raising myself on my right forearm I tilt my head and come eye to eye with Catherine.

"Hey there beautiful," she smiles softly at me and again I feel like I'm melting into a warm, gooey puddle. What a way to wake up.

"What you doing here?" I ask her. I can see she's not been sleeping or at least not in the last ten minutes, her eyes are too alert.

"I came in to put some laundry away and you looked so cozy and peaceful that I immediately wanted to just be here with you." I pull her into me, experiencing the now familiar feeling of my heart expanding, and place a reverent kiss on her forehead, then on her nose before moving in to capture her lips. Milliseconds before our lips meet I here the knocking noise again. _What the…?_

"Is that the front door?" She nods, her expelled breath tickling my lips. "Are you expecting someone?" This time I receive a shake of the head. We're still millimeters apart. "Are you going to answer it?"

"I'm too comfy, I just want to lie here with you." The knocking suddenly becomes a banging and I find myself wondering if they're trying to break the door in.

"Catherine Willows get your ass up off this bed and see who it is. I would go if this was my house and I had pants on but it's not and I haven't, now go before the door gives way!"

"Fine," she pushes herself up her smirk spreading into a grin, "you are so bossy sometimes."

"Some people would find that charming."

"Oh, but it is!" Catherine's eyes sparkle and she pulls out her tongue at me before disappearing to the front door. I listen carefully to try and make out who it is.

"Gees, what took you so long?" I hear a familiar voice.

"Someone order pizza?" Another voice I recognize.

Looking at the clock I notice it's not far off five pm. _God, how could I have slept that long?_ I get out of bed and quickly throw my jeans back on, borrowing Catherine's brush in an attempt to tame my unruly bed-hair before wandering out to join the gathering in the hallway.

"We brought some beers too. Some of us have to work later but hey, a couple won't do any harm eh?"

"You shouldn't say that in front of your superior, Nicky boy."

"Sara?" The boys all turn to face me as I make my presence known. Nick and Greg break out in surprised grins whilst Warrick, currently in possession of three large pizzas, looks at me with cool suspicion.

"She's right you know but as you guys came specially to see me, I'll make an exception and pretend I didn't hear you say that." Catherine says winking at the big-hearted Texan. "Come on through boys."

"So, how are you doing?" Nick asks Catherine genuinely.

"It's hard but I'm getting there Nicky." Catherine answers honestly. They all take it in turns to envelop her in a brotherly hug.

"Do you know when you will be coming back to work?" Greg asks.

"Um… no not at the moment, I have yet to make the dreaded appointment with the department shrink." The boys all wear sympathetic faces, as do I. Having to relive the events of her attack in counseling sessions just to be allowed back into the lab is an ordeal in itself.

"Do you want me to lay the table?" I ask, before the mood turns a little somber. I don't miss the puzzlement on Warrick's face. I'm not surprised to see it. I'll bet he's more than a little thrown by my presence and suggested familiarity with Catherine's home.

"Oh let's just eat in here it's so much more comfortable." Catherine smiles warmly round the gathered group.

"Well as long as you don't mind the mess?"

"I don't mind." Catherine turns to me, "Can you run upstairs and tell Lindsey about the pizza." I immediately nod and take the stairs two at a time. I'd forgotten that Lindsey would be back by now.

"She's on her way but she wants to know if she can eat it in her room, she's watching a film." Catherine nods as Lindsey appears on the stairs.

"Just this once, baby." Catherine says wrapping her daughter in a hug. Lindsey greets everyone sweetly and I'm reminded once again of how like her mother she really is. She spends a few minutes with us then scoots back up to her room with her plate of pizza.

I sit and mostly just watch as the guys fall over themselves to make Catherine laugh. She's sat on the floor between Nick and Greg who is regaling us with bizarre and rather gross tales of his college years but it is working, she's laughing. Just seeing her happy is making me happy too. I can see Warrick is a bit uncomfortable but then after our last exchange I'm not surprised.

Greg suddenly leaps up to re-enact a part of his latest story nearly knocking the pizza onto the carpet. That is when I notice everyone has finished eating so to prevent any more potential spills I reach over and collect the boxes to take them into the kitchen. Catherine starts to move to help me but I wave her to stay seated and hear out the story. They've come to see her not me.

I pile the boxes on the work-surface and open cupboards until I spot a Tupperware container for the leftovers. It's on the top shelf and though I'm tall I'm not quite that tall. About to climb up onto the counter I jump as an arm reaches over me and takes down the container I was after.

"I… uh…" Warrick falters as I look up at him. I take the container without a word and begin to pile the remaining slices into it. "I owe you an apology Sara. I'm not sure quite what to say."

"You can't always just assume you know the whole story," I say in reply. Warrick stares at the palms of his hands and hangs his head.

"I was bad to you Sara. There is no excuse for my behavior. I was just upset for Cath you know and…"

"I know that Warrick, but man, we ALL were upset."

"You do care about her, don't you?"

"We may not have been the best of friends in the past but it's not like that now. And yes, I do care about her."

"But you guys always fight so much?"

"That's because we are both very stubborn women who like to be right." _There's also the fact that I wanted her to notice me and as weird as it sounds fighting with her always got me her full attention. Thank God I don't have to do that anymore. _

"You could have said something the other day."

"You wouldn't have believed me if I did Warrick, you were too upset, you wouldn't have wanted to listen to me." Warrick nods, he knows I'm right.

"Catherine is one my best friends and I would do anything for her. I just have so much pain inside that I couldn't prevent her getting attacked by that evil bastard."

"I know 'Rick, I know. She is very special to me too." I feel my lips form a smile before I've caught myself. Warrick looks at me with a raised eyebrow clearly asking himself if he heard right. I ignore his look and start to squash the empty pizza boxes ready to put into the recycling bin.

"Well I am sorry Sara."

"Apology accepted."

"Friends?" he asks extending his hand.

"Friends!" I agree taking his palm.

"Hey you two, are you making coffee?" Catherine asks putting her head round the kitchen door. She spots our joined hands and looks at me confused. I shake my head slightly and send her a wink, it's not important now.

Warrick and I make coffee for everyone and the boys spend another hour with us before needing to head off to get ready for work.

As we see them out I can't resist standing so my arm is brushing Catherine's. I love being close to her.

"I'm glad you are doing ok Cat," Warrick expresses himself sincerely as he hugs her tightly. "I'm sorry I've not been here for you sooner."

"Warrick, you worked round the clock till you got him… that is the most important thing you boys could have done for me."

"By the way, how did you know we were coming over Sara?" Greg suddenly changes the subject taking me rather by surprise. I open and close my mouth not really knowing what to say.

"I told her," Warrick answers looking directly at me. "See you later tonight Sara. Bye Cat." We both wave to the guys and head back into the house.

"Is everything ok?" Catherine asks suspicious of Warrick suddenly jumping in to answer for me and of what was going on between us in the kitchen.

"Yes, everything is more than ok," I whisper, bringing my lips to hers and running my tongue firmly over them. The little whimper I receive in return tells me Catherine wants more but I pull away smiling at her and head back into the living room.

"That, Miss Sidle, was so not fair!" she huffs, throwing herself on me. I catch her legs and hoist her onto my back as she wraps her arms round my neck. She begins to nibble on my earlobe sending shivers down my spine dissolving my willpower. With a glance at the clock I decide I have time to treat myself to a half-hour make-out session. I deposit her gently on the sofa and climb above her fixing her with the patented Sidle smirk. As I hold myself above her just studying her beautiful face, she giggles and bats her eyelids.

"Just kiss me Sidle!"


	10. Chapter 10

**This is a small chapter, something that I thought it was very essential to this fic, even if I was more concern about what will happen in the next ones ;) **

**I want to say thank you all for the reviews. Is good to see that people are still following my fic, the biggest and more difficult one I have ever done in english. With a very precious help of course.**

**  
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I kill the engine and look over at Catherine. I can feel the tension radiating off her as she stares down at her hands. Our journey fell into silence a little under halfway to the lab and I let it, I knew she needed the time to gather herself. I know she's been desperate to get back to work but having gone through what she has gone through there are still nerves. I reach over and slip my hand into hers. She looks up at me and the strength and warmth in her beautiful blue eyes threatens to pull me under. I become super aware of the beat of my heart as I stare back at her willing my gaze to convey the depth of my support and love. I can use that word without stuttering now for I know it to be the truth. I love her, more than I've ever loved anyone.

Getting out of the car, I make my way to her door and open it with a small encouraging smile. She alights gracefully and slips her hand back into mine as we walk towards the building. I know neither of us is ready to out 'us' to the world but the need for the shared strength that the contact gives us transcends any concerns about being seen.

I reluctantly let her hand go as we step into the building but watch proudly as she pushes her shoulders back resolutely and strides forward.

"Hey Catherine, it's good to have you back." Judy is smiling warmly from behind the reception desk. There's no hint of pity in her eyes or tone and for that I want pick her up and spin her round. "We've all really missed you around here."

"Thank you Judy. I've missed everyone too."

As we walk further into the maze of corridors towards Grissom's office I lightly touch her elbow and she turns to face me. "You sure you don't want me to go with you to talk to Grissom?" I whisper.

"I'm sure," she squeezes my hand reassuringly. I know she needs to do this herself but I can't help the feeling of protectiveness that overwhelms me when I'm near her. I squeeze back and for a few moments all that exists in the universe is the two of us.

A movement in the periphery of my vision breaks the moment. "Ok, I'll be in the break room." She nods at me and I know now's the moment I have to walk away. Why won't my legs work? In the end it's Catherine who moves first and as I hear her firm knock on Grissom's door I make my way to the break room as planned.

Sighing I stare at the coffee pot. The coffee looks a little stewed but I really can't be bothered making a fresh pot. I pour some into a mug and take a seat on the sofa. If I'm honest I'm a little worried about her being back at work and I know it's my over-protective nature kicking in but in this job you just never know what you're going to get when you respond to a scene and it worries me to think of the potential situations she could be put in. I need to get over these fears but in the meantime I just hope that Grissom doesn't put her straight out in the field. I know that she'll be a little pissed at that but I'll worry less if she's lab-bound.

Tapping out my own little rhythm on the table-top I'm interrupted by a loud voice echoing around the hallway. "Well, well, well… if it's not the most beautiful CSI I ever saw." I leap up from my chair and get to the doorway in time to see him enveloping Catherine in his arms. "Welcome back, Cat. God we missed you." His voice is laden with love and care for his friend. "How are you doing?"

"God it's good to be back, I'm doing good Warrick, I really am."

"And that's the best news we've heard in a long time." Nicky's Texan drawl has Catherine turning behind her only to be caught up in another tender hug. "Welcome back Catherine." Catherine's genuine, full smile makes my heart melt.

"Finally, the good times can roll again." I hear Greg's voice coming from the evidence room. As he appears and holds his arms out to hug her he clearly can't help himself. "Good Lord but you are one sexy mama!" I'm ready to stride over there and drag him off by his ear for his inappropriate comment but Catherine simply lets herself be drawn into her third embrace.

"You better not be thinking anything dirty Greg," she says at ease with the youngest of the boys. Catherine always has the ability to banter and be comfortable with his comments. She's much better at that than I am. She catches me watching the little reunion and sends me a smile that I know is only for me, it's enough to make me breathless and succeeds in calming me down. She winks at me, yeah she'd read my stance and knew I was going into 'knight-in-shining-armor' mode. I need to get a grip!

It isn't long before Archie, Hodges and Mandy have joined the impromptu gathering all equally delighted to have Catherine back in the ranks and see her doing so well. I realize that this place is like having a second family. Well in my case, I suppose, a first family.

The volume of happy, chattering voices in the corridor is reaching a crescendo when Grissom appears and somehow everyone knows that signals the end of the party. Yeah ok Ecklie would have something to say about the little reunion but who cares what that asshole thinks? I sure don't!

The small welcoming party dissipates and everyone files into the break room for assignments. As Grissom hands out the slips and asks Catherine to help Warrick go over his evidence in the lab I find myself letting out the breath I didn't even know I'd held in. Thank God I can now focus on work without worrying about her.

-- -- --

It's been two days since Catherine came back to work, two days that she's been working in the lab much to my relief.

As we enter the break room, we're both in tucks of laughter over one of Catherine's stories from her dancing days. This guy, who had become a regular, coming in almost every night, had taken rather a fancy to one of her co-workers. It was clear he was trying to woo the girl with extravagant gifts and excessive tips until one fateful night he discovered she was actually a 'he'. He'd been super-embarrassed apparently. I actually feel a little sorry for the guy - all crushed up only realize the object of his affection doesn't quite fit the bill.

"But Sara," Catherine was still laughing, "you'd have been able to tell. He should have known."

"I know, and I agree, but he wasn't a CSI," I offer half-heartedly in the guy's defense. "Maybe he had some sort of head problem?"

"A vision problem, more like it!" We both laugh again. I take a seat while Catherine grabs a cup of coffee for both of us. She knows just how I take it without even asking – something that makes me smile yet again.

The boys are already sat around in the room and are watching our interaction with interest. "Ok. Someone has to tell me what's going on here," Nick asks looking to Catherine who is walking towards me with two steaming mugs of coffee. "Since when do you two chat like long lost buddies?"

"Why, is that a bad thing?" Catherine replies with a question of her own.

"Actually it took long enough," Warrick adds, "the tension that radiates through the lab when you two are fighting is almost unbearable."

"True," Greg joins in, "but it's always nice to see my princess, happy."

"And just who is your princess Greg?" Grissom enters the room with one eyebrow raised. Greg begins to blush and opens his mouth to say God knows what.

"Believe me you don't want to hear about Greg's girlfriend," Catherine immediately responds. "So what do we have today Gil?" I try not smile too much at her ability to do that. She's just so brilliant at improvising.

Grissom hands out the new assignments. "Warrick, DB Lake Mead. Nick you've got a missing person, Brass has the details. Catherine 420, Summerlin. Sara, you and I are continuing on the Landsborough case."

I'm immediately knocked from my good mood and find myself worrying. Catherine takes the slip from Grissom and moves to put her mug in the sink her face giving away nothing. Back in the field already? Assigned alone and a homicide no less?

"I think you're making a mistake!" I crash Grissom's office door shut behind us as I advance on him.

"With what?"

"In letting Catherine back into the field. She was raped and almost killed less than three weeks ago Gris."

"I know that, but she's been cleared by the shrink and I need an experienced pair of hands on that scene. Plus she has to get back out there sometime."

"Let me go out there instead. Catherine can work with you. I'll update her about our case."

"Sara, if she doesn't want to go, if she doesn't feel ready, she is able to speak up for herself."

"She would never say in front of everyone, I thought you knew her better than that?"

"Sara, what's gotten into you? Since when do you care so much about Catherine?"

"Look, just because we haven't always been the best of friends that doesn't mean I want her to get hurt. She's the second best CSI in the lab and we shouldn't be risking her by putting her out into the field yet." _And I can't risk the woman I love_, I add mentally.

"You're the second best!" Grissom states missing my point entirely.

"Right, ok I'll pretend I believe you," I sigh, "but that doesn't negate what I've said."

"I'm not trying to negate what you've said Sara…"

"But you'll pretend I didn't say anything," I'm getting tired of this. "I honestly thought you'd become more human Grissom, but I guess I was wrong." _And don't think I've forgotten or forgiven you for the way you handled the revelation of Catherine's sexuality! _

I storm out of his office. _How can he be so insensitive, so indifferent? She is a human being for God's sake! And his best friend, can you believe it_? I'm angry and worryingly not only at Grissom. I'm angry with me for thinking I could ever be emotionally involved with a person like him.

I careen into the locker room, march straight up to my locker and punch it, hard. Not the brightest of ideas because now my hand hurts but I needed to release some anger somehow. I sense someone in the doorway and don't even need to turn around to know who it is.

"I heard a bang in here. Is everything ok?"

"Um… everything's fine." I step back cradling my hand. That actually hurt more than I'd expected.

"Why did you do this?" Catherine says, forcefully grabbing my hand to take a closer look.

"I fell out with my locker." I try. Unfortunately Catherine doesn't go for my bizarre humor right now. "I kinda had an argument with Grissom."

"A serious one if this is anything to go by," Catherine points to my hand. "Come here!" On autopilot I follow her command as she turns on the tap and pushes my knuckles under the water. I jerk away because of the cold and the stinging sensation of my bruised skin. "Don't be such a baby," she whispers with a knowing smirk.

"You know, if it wasn't for that sexy smirk I would be arguing with you right about now."

"I think you've done enough arguing for one day. Care to tell me what made you want to damage your beautiful hand?"

"No, not really." Catherine just eyes me warningly and I sigh. "I went to try and put some sense in his head but I failed." I have to move away from her because I know she's not going to like what I say next. I take a seat on the bench and examine my bruised knuckles. She's folded her arms and is stood opposite me waiting for me to spit it out. "I told him he shouldn't be sending you out into the field yet." Wincing at how that sounds I look up at her.

"Excuse me?" she asks, her face showing confusion and her tone laced with anger. I expected that much.

"What happened to you was no small thing and no matter how good a CSI you are – and Catherine, you are the best – it is too soon to go to a crime scene, alone, pretending like nothing has happened."

"Do you think I don't know the seriousness of the situation?" she shouts back at me. I watch her try to calm herself before she continues. "It won't change anything whether I go now, in three days or in three weeks. I'll still be on edge and concerned but there's nothing you can do about that."

"I can go with you. I can protect you if anything happens."

"You were the one who said we needed to be able to work without our feelings getting in the way, Sara."

"I know but this is different Cat. If the boys had the courage to face Grissom and tell him a few home truths they'd have done exactly the same."

"Maybe, but they didn't. Sara, I have to do this and you have to let me without bawling Grissom out and beating up your locker."

"I just…" suddenly I'm ashamed of my overwhelming need to protect her. "You're really important to me Catherine."

"Hey," I can't look her in the eye but she pulls me off the bench and towards her. "I said, hey!" My shame-filled eyes finally meet hers. "I have to be able to do my job Sara. Think about how you'd feel if this was the other way around. I know I'd want to protect you too but we're both adults here and we both have a job to do." She pulls me into a fierce hug. "I will call you when I get to the scene and before I leave so you know I'm ok… ok?"

I nod at her, relieved she is prepared to let me care. "I don't have much of a choice, do I?" I whisper with a smile.

"Thank you for caring this much," she says kissing my hand tenderly before leaving. I stand in the empty room trying to get my head round my behavior and how Catherine took it all in her stride. I guess I have to work on my worries and soon.

**tbc**


	11. Chapter 11

I take a sip of my espresso and glance round the busy coffee shop where I'm ensconced in a comfy chair waiting for Shayla.

Shayla was one of my closest friends back at Berkeley but a few circumstances led to us losing touch after I left San Francisco. It was after closing a tough case one shift that I started to think about her and what she was up to. I realized how much I missed her so I used one of the workstations in the research lab and looked her up. It turned out that she was alive, well and unbelievably, living in Vegas. After contacting her we met up almost straight away. Having her back in my life was amazing. Our friendship picked up from where we'd left off, it was like we'd never been apart.

My mind drifts to a familiar subject as I watch the people come and go. It's been two weeks since Catherine came back to work and I'm still worrying about her but I suppose it is getting easier. Day by day and case by case I'm learning to let go of those insecurities. This is the job we do and she is one of the best. She needs the job and the job needs her. She's back in the old routine and she's on fire having solved four out of her five cases already. I can't help but feel an immense sense of pride and respect and a level of unworthiness. I know I shouldn't but in comparison I realize I can't hold a candle to Catherine Willows.

"Penny for your thoughts!" I blink and look up to see two twinkling green eyes staring warmly down at me. "Hey Sugar, you were miles away just then."

"Hey you, thank you for meeting me at such short notice."

"Hey when my Sara needs a friend, I'm there. Besides, I eat lunch everyday not like some folk I know."

"Believe me I have no problems in that department any more."

"Really? Now what's affected this change?" Shayla pulls up the chair opposite and sits down studying my face closely. "Your eyes are sparkling girl… in fact you're positively glowing." My gaze is suddenly drawn to an interesting spot on the floor under her intense scrutiny and I can feel my cheeks reddening. "The Sara Sidle I know does not blush like that, not unless…" I feel like my face is on fire as Shayla chuckles triumphantly. She always could read me like an open book. "Sara Sidle, look at me!" My shy gaze meets hers and I feel the beginnings of a smirk appearing on my face. "I'm right aren't I?"

I drain my espresso watching her over the rim of my cup. As I rest it back in it's saucer I test my voice. "Yes Shay, you're right." Yep, I sound breathy.

"Who is she?" Shayla demands immediately. Oh God, here comes the Spanish inquisition. I smile softly as I think of how lucky I am before I begin to answer.

"Her name is Catherine and she…" my voice chooses this moment to crack for some reason, please don't let me be getting ridiculously emotional, "she is the most amazing woman I know."

Shayla's mouth is currently hanging open in delight. "The most amazing woman you know huh? Even more amazing than _me_?"

"Um..." My gaze darts from side to side as I work out how to answer or better still avoid that question.

"Don't avoid my question you wimp," she chides me intuitively. "I said is she more amazing than your incredibly amazing pal Shay?"

"Yeah," I reply sheepishly not able to look up.

"That's the right answer!" Ok, that was not what I expected her to say. "Now come on girl, spill it. Tell me everything."

In the next twenty minutes I tell her about my relationship with Catherine. How I met her, after having received a very interesting call from an old friend and coming to Vegas to help him in an internal investigation**. **How hard it was to be her friend at first because of our combinedstubbornness and how my feelings developed from appreciation for her beauty and admiration for her work ethic into what I now know is love. I tell her about Lindsey and how good our relationship is. Shayla knows I've never been very comfortable around children and I can see she is quite surprised. Probably as surprised as I was when I realized how easy it was to interact with Catherine's daughter. Lindsey is so special. She's so much like Catherine there's no way I couldn't love that little girl. I finish by telling her briefly about the events that brought us together. I don't go into much detail because I'd never want to betray Catherine like that. Instead I focus on just how wonderful it is and how privileged I feel to be a part of her life and a part of her daughter's life

Shayla sits back and fixes me with her penetrating green eyes. "Jesus Sara… You really are in love with her."

"Yes," I confess staring right back at her, "I really am."

"Oh Sugar, I can't begin to tell you just how happy I am for you. I'm also very glad to hear that you already broached the subject of your past. I know talking about that has always been a massive deal."

"Catherine was very supportive and she doesn't seem to worry about her relationship with me at all." I say this with an unexpected note of surprise in my voice. People have never liked to hear about the abuse and have been afraid that I may do the same thing, especially with my sometimes volatile temper. But not Catherine, Catherine is... different… she's amazing.

"And she shouldn't be worried," Shayla says bringing my attention back to her. I very often find myself daydreaming about Catherine. "You are a remarkable woman Sara Sidle You are nothing at all like the family you came from. You girl are the most amazing woman I know and nothing will ever make me change my mind on that however amazing you insist this Catherine is. You deserve nothing less than you have found in her Sara. Don't you ever let the clouds of your past or your feelings of unworthiness destroy this most precious thing you have now."

"I won't, I promise. The only thing is…" I fidget a little as a waitress brings us refills. "…and this is why I called you…"

Shay looks at me with an eyebrow raised unsure of quite what is coming next.

"We've only been together since…" I pause and roll my hand to indicate my meaning, to which Shayla nods, "and well… um… because of that we've… um… well we've never, you know…" I glance from side to side and lower my voice, "…had sex." I really don't like talking about things like this, especially when it's not with Catherine, but I trust Shay and I know she'll keep my confidence. "I can't say she didn't try though or that I didn't want it because Catherine… I'm serious Shayla; she is a goddess… I mean if you only saw her…"

"What you're trying to tell me here is that because of the attack you've held back. You've felt that she wasn't ready for that level of intimacy with you. I'm right, right?" I let go my breath, resting my back in the chair and nod awkwardly. "Damn Sara, why do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

"Sabotage your own relationship by putting your partner before yourself all the time?"

"But I don't…" Shayla cuts me off.

"When are you going to realize that you have to act upon some of the things you want instead of thinking solely about her? Sara you are a human being with needs and urges and so is she. Believe me girl, you can't ignore these feelings."

"I know that…"

"Sara, honey, listen to me. Don't you think that your wonderful Catherine knows whether she is ready to have sex with you? If she is making the moves then she clearly wants you." She chuckles and shakes her head slowly. "I can't believe after all this years you still second guess things like that."

"Shay, I love her!" Ok that came out louder than I intended. My vehement tone surprises my friend and I look around embarrassedly. Yeah, there are now people staring at us. Lowering my voice to a hushed whisper I continue. "Look, I know that maybe I'm not handling things right but I love her and can't bear the thought of hurting her more. Shay, can you help me or not?"

"I want to help you, yes."

"Good because I need you. And you know how much I hate being the center of people's attention." I chance a glance at the ladies on the table next to us. They're not looking anymore but you can bet your bottom dollar they're listening. Oh yes their ears will be now be finely tuned to every word uttered between Shay and me.

"I'll help you but Sara, sugar you have to understand that…"

I sense a lecture and I stand up to leave. I don't like this and she knows it.

"No, wait!" she says, waving me to sit back down in my seat. "I'm not going to be an ass I swear. Look, just let me give you a little advice." I stare at her my expression somewhere between exasperated and nervous. Perhaps this isn't the kind of highly emotive discussion to be having over coffee.

"Can you sit down again… please?" I sigh and collapse back into my seat. "There are times in life Sara, when you will have to put what you want first if you really want the relationship to last. People expect their partners to say what they want and how they feel, to act upon their desires, especially those intimate desires. That's my advice to you. I am sure Catherine will understand what you are trying to do, and probably on some level will appreciate your care of her but sooner or later she will get frustrated if you keep making the decision for her. She will begin to wonder if it's her, if you really want her and if you leave it the information hag in the air for too long it could lead to resentment. It's inevitable."

"The last thing I want is to hurt her more or make her frustrated with me. We already know exactly how to push each other buttons and let me tell you, the fights we used to have at work were never pretty."

Shayla leans forward and places both her hands over mine. I smile shy. "You must have thought about it, about how you would want your first time to play out?"

"Oh of course I have, all the time."

"Ok well tell me, how would you like things to be?"

The next ten minutes is filled by me telling her everything I had imagined I could do to make the evening very romantic, perfect in fact, just as Catherine deserves. Ok… as we both deserve. She smiles as I describe wanting to take Catherine away from the city. She hears me out and then announces that she knows the perfect place to make my idea become reality. She promises to meet me and show me in the morning but the few things she does tell me about the place, I already know I'll love it.

"If you two are going to go away what about Catherine's daughter?"

"I'll tell Linds that I want to take her mom away for a romantic break, she won't have a problem with that."

"You can say that to her?" She asks quite surprised. I nod. "How old is she?"

"Nearly ten"

"Wow. You've really changed." Shay looks at me with admiration.

"Lindsey is a smart girl and she knows I love her mother. You should have seen how happy she was when Catherine told her we were dating."

"She accepted her mom dating a woman just like that?" I can see that Shayla is getting more excited about my story.

"Actually she knew Catherine liked me before Catherine did. She said it was written all over her face whenever she looked at me." I laugh remembering Lindsey's voice. She was not in the least bit surprised by her mom's revelation. "So it's a deal then? We'll go and see this place tomorrow?"

"Yeah and you decide when you want to go and I'll call the housekeeper and ask her to give it the once over. She'll have the place shiny as a new pin for you."

"Perfect!" I'm so happy I can't stop my grin appearing.

"Listen Sugar, I have to go, some of us work normal hours and can only extend our lunch-breaks so far you know. I'll see you tomorrow. Call me to let me know when you'll pick me up yeah?"

"I will." I stand up and pull my best friend into a big hug. "I don't know how to say thank you enough for helping me Shay but I'll say thank you anyway."

"Anything for a friend and I have to say, I wish my husband had gone to this much trouble when we started dating… she is a very lucky woman your Catherine."

"No, I am the lucky one, believe me."

I pay our bill and follow Shay outside feeling decidedly pleased with myself. Things are going to be perfect.

I open the front door and find the woman of my dreams curled on the sofa, reading. I creep closer as it appears she's so engrossed she's failed to hear me come in. I wrap my arms around her from behind leaning over the back of the sofa to place delicate little kisses all along her beautiful neck.

"Hey you, what took you so long?" she asks looking up at me. "You were just supposed to be dropping Lindsey at her friend's house then coming back"

"Did you miss me that much?"

"I miss you whether you're away a day, an hour or a single minute."

"Well that's good, because me too." I kick off my shoes and climb over the back of the sofa to settle beside her, my arms still wrapped round her. "What are you reading?"

"Just some novel…" Catherine answers dismissively "but you didn't answer me Sara."

"I went to meet a friend of mine." I say snuggling into her shoulder.

"What friend? And why didn't you tell me before?" Uh-oh, her tone sounds a little jealous.

"You don't have any reason to be jealous," I whisper, relieving her of the book and casting it to the floor before shifting to sit in her lap. "She's an old friend from Berkeley. I love her to bits but I'm not _in_ love with her, I have too much on my plate in that department already. I'm in love with the most beautiful, sexy, and incredible woman in the world, you may know her, her name is Catherine Willows?" I hear her giggle and her cheeks color up as her eyes meet mine. "As for my friend Shayla, I think her husband might have something to say about the suggestion of her having a thing for me." Catherine's mouth opens in an 'oh' and I simply nod. "You are so, soo beautiful," I whisper again, taking her bottom lip between mine and pouring all my feelings into a tender kiss.

"I'm sorry for being all suspicious." She says shy.

"That's ok. It just shows me how much you like me."

"Oh Sara," she caresses the side of my face with her palm. "I don't _like_ you, not even close." What, ok, now she has my attention. She leans in until I can feel her breath on my lips again, taking my hand and flattening my palm against her chest. "I _love_ you!"

Our lips crash together and we kiss until we are both completely out of breath. "I love you too." I manage to pant out as I play with her hair.

Eventually I slide off her and kneel just in front of her resting my head in her lap. She begins to stroke my hair softly and I can't help but feel at home. A safe and loving home, nothing like the one I once had. I finally feel as though I can do anything. I'm indestructible as long as she is with me. It is not a feeling that I'm used to but it is most definitely wonderful

"Just so you know, don't arrange anything for Friday night. You have plans!"

"Really?" she asks seductively. "And where do you plan on taking me?"

"That, my love, is a secret," I whisper.

"You do know that I could make you talk now if I wanted to don't you?" she giggles.

"But you won't…" I lift my head looking to her blue eyes. "I want this surprise to be perfect." I say, hoping she understands how important this is to me. Catherine sees it in my eyes and nods in agreement. She touches my face before leaning down and kissing me, slowly and deeply.

Reluctantly I break the kiss and stand in front of her. "I'm going to have a quick shower ok?"

"As long as you save enough time to make out with me on this sofa, before we have to go to work…?"

"Oh you can bet I will!"

Catherine smiles from ear to ear, sending me a silent kiss as she bends to retrieve her discarded book. _God I love this woman!_

**tbc**


	12. Chapter 12

I leave Catherine's around twelve with a promise to pick her up at seven-thirty. She doesn't seem tremendously happy about the prospect of spending the afternoon on her own but I've already explained that there are a few things I need to do before our date tonight. Standing in her doorway I lean in to kiss her which distracts me for a good ten minutes before I pull myself together and head to my car. I watch her waving forlornly as I drive away. _Don't worry Catherine it will all be worth it come tonight._

My first stop is the store to buy some food and drink including the essential bottle of champagne. Then, I call in at my place to collect a few CDs, the bag that I've packed with a couple of changes of clothes for us both (I just have to hope Catherine doesn't notice some of her clothes are missing) and a change of sheets. I've never felt overly comfortable about sleeping in someone else's sheets and for tonight to be perfect I need to be as relaxed as I can be so I've washed and ironed my extravagant, high-count Egyptian cotton sheets specially.

I drive out to the cabin finding it easily after having visited with Shayla earlier in the week. The first thing to hit me as I step in the front door is the fragrance of fresh flowers. A bouquet of scented roses adorns counter and everything is as Shayla promised, spotless. The living room is huge and is separated from the kitchen by the countertop. This is less a cabin and more a luxury villa. I place my pile of CDs next to the player, choosing one and putting it in the tray ready.

There are two bedrooms but the master, as I discovered when Shayla showed me round, is again massive with its own beautiful en-suite bathroom. The bed is set opposite a full length picture window which gives views over the surrounding countryside. I change the sheets and hang the clothes I've stolen from Catherine in the closet. Setting a few candles around the place and making sure there is a lighter or matches to light them I head to the kitchen to put away the supplies I picked up from the grocery store.

I wander into the garden following the path as it trails down towards the beginning of a pine forest. I fill my lungs with the fresh scent and I know this is going to be just how I want it. It's going to be perfect! With that thought I have one last check around before locking up and heading back to the city.

I have a few hours to get ready before tonight and I want to make sure I'm as relaxed as I can be so I slip into my running gear and head out to beat the pavement for a while. I need the release of endorphins from the exercise to help combat my nerves. When I get back I peel off all my clothes and run a hot bath with essential oils performing all the necessary girlie routines of scrubbing, shaving and waxing leaving me roughly an hour to pick something to wear from my wardrobe.

That's when I find out that I have a big problem. I haven't thought about clothes and not being the kind of girl to own a slinky dress I'm stumped as to what to choose. Maybe Catherine, in time, can make me see going shopping for clothes as an enjoyable thing? Finally, after a lot of rummaging and changing my mind several times I settle on a pair of flowing black pants and a tight-fitting green shirt. I apply a little makeup, not being one for anything too heavy, and squirt a little perfume. Giving myself the once over I conclude that I don't scrub up too badly after all.

_Just one final touch_; I open my jewelry box and choose a simple silver pendant on a leather thong and slip it round my neck before grabbing my keys and leaving the house.

I arrive at her house ten minutes early which gives me some necessary time to try and calm down. My heart is beating so fast I'm sure it's trying to get out of my chest and my palms are sweaty. Anyone would think I'd never been on a date before.

After composing myself as much as I'm able, I jump out of the car and walk up the path to the front door. I can see a light on in what I know to be Catherine's bathroom. She is probably doing her makeup and those last minute girly finishing touches. Not that she needs to for me. She could wear coveralls and not a spec of makeup and still be the most beautiful woman I'll ever lay eyes on.

I raise my hand to knock and notice it is still trembling. _If I can't get a grip soon I'll never make it through the night I've gone to so much trouble to plan._

I ball my fist ignoring the shakes and raise my hand again but before I have a chance to knock, the door opens.

To say I'm stunned by the sight in front of me is an understatement. I don't think words can do justice to such beauty. I step into the doorway bringing me closer to her and reach out reverently to caress her face. I see Catherine's cheeks reddening under my touch.

"It still amazes me that I can make you blush," I say whispering against her lips. If anything, Catherine blushes even harder. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah, just give me a minute. Sweetheart, can you come here for a second?"

"Coming Mom!" Lindsey yells from upstairs. "Hi Sara. Wow, you are beautiful."

"Thank you Lindsey." I find myself blushing now.

"We are going out now. You be good for Grams."

"I'm not five anymore Mom."

"Yeah but you are still and always will be my little girl." We both share a hug with Lindsey and she stays at the door to wave us off happily.

I grab Catherine's hand and thread my fingers through hers as I lead her to my car. I'm so lucky!

"She's right you know, you are beautiful," Catherine informs me, her eyes twinkling.

"If I'm beautiful, then you are stunning," I whisper kissing her ear. I know she gets the tickles when I do that and I smile when she tucks her ear against her shoulder, giggling. I open the passenger door and make sure she is seated comfortably before closing the door, walking around to the driver's side and getting in. She follows me with her eyes and as soon as I buckle my seatbelt she leans over and kisses me again. We'll never make it anywhere at this rate.

We drive in comfortable silence to the restaurant where I stop outside and once again open her door for her. I throw my keys to the valet and we walk towards the main door hand in hand.

"Good evening. Welcome to The Shilla," a beautiful olive-skinned girl greets us as we enter. "A table for two?"

"We have a reservation, it's in the name of Sidle," The girl takes a moment to look through her reservation book and then smiles again.

"If you'd like to come this way" She leads us towards a private room at the back of the restaurant.

"I'm sure I've never mentioned to you that Japanese is my favorite?"

"No, but that doesn't mean I don't have my ways of finding out."

"Lindsey?"

"Almost, I did think about asking her but I rang your sister instead."

"Sneaky," Catherine winks at me with a grin.

"I prefer to think of it as resourceful," I grin back at her.

"A waitress will be with you shortly to take your order," the girl says before leaving us to get settled.

"Thank you."

We walk towards the low table in the center. It's surrounded by cushions of all different colors and has candles and delicate single flower blossoms arranged beautifully on it. In the background there's a gentle music playing. We seat ourselves in amongst the cushions and I make sure I'm very close to her. Before either of us can say anything our waitress appears smiling as broadly as the first girl.

"Hi. Would you like something to drink?"

"A sake and a bottle of water please," Catherine replies immediately. I decide upon the same and nod to that effect.

"Would you like to take a look at the menu while I get the drinks?"

"You fancy some veggie tempura as a starter?" I ask and Catherine nods.

"Ok. I'll come back to bring your drinks and order your main courses shortly." The girl excuses herself leaving us alone.

"This place is incredible Sara." She leans in, in slow motion to kiss me. I revel in the moment memorizing the way her eyes are sparkling in the candlelight. "I love it!" she whispers against my lips.

During the meal, Catherine tells me all about her childhood. About the situation that led her to become a dancer, the drugs and her pregnancy, and about her real father too, the infamous casino mogul, Sam Braun. I remember how uncomfortable Catherine was when she first found out about him. Mind you I think any person in her position would be.

"Things are ok now between you two?"

"We don't talk much but yes, everything is ok."

"Does he know that you date women?"

Catherine laughs. "But I don't date women. I date _'a woman'_, one woman, I date you!" I gaze at her feeling my cheeks grow hot. "No he doesn't know, but I really don't care what he thinks Sara. I love you and I want you and not even the mighty Sam Braun can do anything about that." I know now I'm blushing very hard, I can feel my skin tingling. She places a palm on each side of my face and squeezes my nose with hers. "You are so damn cute Sidle!" she says before kissing me yet again. Tucking a few stray hairs back behind my ear, she stops to take a sip of her drink.

"Are you still in touch with your friends from when you were a dancer?"

"Not really. Things changed after I start working as a CSI. They were cool and offhanded with me because they saw me as the 'bad guy'. I guess that's because I had a couple of cases centered round that club and I had to treat them all as suspects. It wasn't my choice, it's just the rules."

"Not a nice thing to have to do." She shakes her head.

"What about you?"

"Although I had quite a few friends at Berkeley, I'm only in touch with three of them now."

"So you weren't a library geek then?"

"No, I was, I studied a lot and to start with the closest person I had to a friend was one of the lab techs who had to close up after my late sessions. But after meeting Shayla and her friends, that changed. I still studied hard but I started to go out and have fun too. It was really the first time I'd ever been part of a social circle and it felt really good. I met Melanie, one of Shayla's friends and we got pretty close."

"Did you date her?"

"She was my first real girlfriend. My first in a lot of things and I really liked her but as is so often the case, good things didn't last and she broke-up with me after nearly a year together. I was still coming to terms with the things that had happened to me in my childhood and I guess that was hard for her because I didn't feel like I could open up. When I did finally talk to her she ran scared. It didn't surprise me much."

Catherine is rubbing my arm soothingly, she says nothing about Melanie and I'm glad. "So you found out you were a 'lesbian' science geek then? Have you had many girlfriends since?

"A few but only two lasted longer than a couple of dates. How about you?"

"I've only ever dated one woman before you. Stephanie was her name. I had fought big-time with Eddie and we ended up breaking up. Stephanie was there. She comforted me. I don't think I realized at the time that we were dating. It just made us both happy. It was a couple of months later when Eddie walked back into my life being Mr. Charming, buying me flowers and extravagant gifts. He wanted me back and I was stupid enough to fall for his charms a second time. I accepted. I remember when he found out about Stephanie and I. He was thrilled. He had the two women in a bed fantasy like most men. He asked me to bring Stephanie over one night."

"Did you do it?"

"Yes. It was actually really good the first time, but after I realized I really had feelings for Stephanie I asked her not to accept Eddie's invitations anymore. She deserved more and she agreed with me. I know I shouldn't have been with Eddie I should have been with her. I have to say, my relationship with Eddie changed a lot after that. But hey, none of that matter's now - I have you!"

"How cliché!"

"Well, it is still true!" I laugh and lean in to give her a kiss.

It was meant to be a simple kiss, but Catherine's lips are so soft and this night has been so wonderful, that I can't reign myself in anymore. I need to taste her mouth. She opens up to my insistent tongue, pushing hers out to meet it slowly and sexily. I suck on it hearing her moan from deep in her throat. The moan travels through me settling firmly in the aching pit of desire building in my stomach. I fill the air with moans of my own as our kiss becomes ever more frantic. She pulls back gulping in essential breaths of air before crashing her lips against mine again. My free hand settles on her thigh and begins to run up her leg. I feel her shiver against me but she doesn't move her lips from mine. I push myself into her as my hand travels to cup her ass one too lightly. She moans again, this time making me shiver.

The door suddenly swings back and we pull apart. I look up coming face to face with our blushing waitress. She'd come to find out if we needed anything else. Catherine whispers _'how about some privacy'_ and I can't help but giggle. We're all blushing profusely but I'm actually glad the waitress appeared otherwise I wouldn't have been able to stop myself and would have made love to Catherine right here. I kiss Catherine chastely on the cheek before heaving myself from the soft cushions and going to take care of the bill.

Standing outside waiting for my car to be brought round I wrap my arm around her shoulders. "Thank you for the dinner Sara, I think that's the best date I ever had."

"Me too," I say, turning to look at her blue eyes, "but the night is still young and I would like to take you some place else"

"Ok," she whispers cuddling into me.

I smile and look up at the moon. Somehow I always feel happier when the moon is in the sky. I tip the valet and open the passenger door for Catherine.

"So where are we going?" I shake my head. There's no way I'm going to spoil the surprise I've spent days planning. "You know, I'm getting tired of all this mystery. I like surprises yes, but I'm kind of dying here," she says dramatically, making me laugh.

"This is the last one tonight, I promise. I hope you'll like it."

"I have no doubts about that at all."

**tbc**


	13. Chapter 13

Warning: this chapter and the next contains explicit sex between two women. If it's not your thing or it is but you don't feel like reading about it, or yet you are under the age of 18 then please, please, don't read.

If you decide to read no matter what let me know what you think. ;)

For the entirety of the thirty minute drive, Catherine's hand rests on my thigh. The simple gesture fills me with such an intense, almost fierce affection and I know I'm more in love than I have ever been, no words nedded.

The light outside the front door comes on automatically as we step onto the terrace. I unlock the door and lead my Catherine by the hand over the threshold of our romantic little retreat. As I flip on the lamp in the living room and light the candles I'd arranged earlier I notice Catherine looking around, her eyes sparkling. I press play on the stereo and the gentle sounds of my specially chosen CD fill the air. With the softest of kisses against Catherine's waiting lips I scoot into the kitchen and grab the bottle of champagne from the fridge along with two champagne flutes.

"How did you find this place?" she asks in wonder, peering out of the window into a garden bathed in moonlight.

"Its Shayla's parent's holiday cabin," I answer with a wink, passing her both the glasses while I pop the cork on our champagne. I pour some into each glass and set the bottle on a side table before taking her hand and leading her to the sofa.

"Now that's explains a few things," she whispers, "it's just beautiful Sara but you didn't have to go to so much trouble just for me."

"Catherine, of course I did - it's _you_. I just wanted to do something special for us and when Shayla brought me here and told me we could use this place, I jumped at the chance. It's perfect for someone as perfect as you."

I see tears pooling in her incredible, twinkling blue eyes. "Sara, I'm far from perfect. Just being with you, _anywhere,_ is perfect for me." I feel the pricking of my own tears of joy and smile at her caressing her cheek gently before sealing our lips with a slow, loving kiss.

I don't want to rush things and I'm no longer anxious. This place, the music and the mood has had a needed calming influence. Catherine on the other hand is a little nervous. I can tell by the tentative movement of her lips. I take her glass and place it on the table then get up from the couch and extend my hand to her.

"Dance with me." Her beautiful eyes lock onto mine and she takes my hand. We both kick off our shoes and I swing her one time making her giggle. I have dreamt about doing this and now I finally get to live out my dream! As I dance with my amazing girlfriend, I feel everything zoning out apart from her, the music and this moment. Nothing else matters; it's just her and me. As I gaze into her eyes I can tell her previous nervousness has evaporated and I can't help but believe my earlier assessment: she's perfect!

Catherine rests her head in the crook of my neck, snuggling close, her hand pressed against my heart. God, I never want this feeling to end.

"Why have you never told me you dance?"

"I don't know really, it just never came up I suppose. Plus every time we went to a club with the guys, I was too busy looking at you to get up and dance myself."

"Now you don't have to just look, I'm all yours!" she whispers into my ear. I look at her face seeing that magical mix of love and blossoming lust in her sparkling blue eyes.

Capturing her face between my palms, I take her lips in mine, pouring all of me into that kiss. I need her to know just how much she means to me and just what she does to me. Our dance has become less about the romance and more about the raw need, about getting as much of our bodies in contact as possible. Grinding my hips against hers I moan deep in my throat feeling her shiver against me.

Backing her towards the bedroom, I cup her ass and lift her against me, to which she wraps her legs around my hips determined not to break our kiss. This is it, we are finally about to give ourselves to each other.

As we stumble into the room I set her back down on her feet and quickly light the candles as Catherine takes in the beautiful setting. I turn back to her and my heart melts, she is incredible. I can't believe what I have right here for the taking. Stepping towards her I whisper. "Do you have any idea what you do to me? What you do to me, here." I press my hand to my heart. "And what you do to me, here." I slide the hand seductively to the apex of my thighs.

Launching herself at me, our lips crash together again and hands begin to wander. I find the zipper of her most elegant dress and slowly begin to draw it downwards. I am still mindful of Catherine's previous sexual encounter and the mental scars that take a lot longer to heal than the physical ones. I want to be careful that she is comfortable so every action is deliberately slow, giving her time to adjust. Even so, it isn't long before I have my hands inside the back of the dress running freely up and down her spine, realizing in delight that she isn't wearing a bra.

Easing the silky fabric over her shoulders I kiss her collarbone up to her neck. The marks, though much fainter, are still visible and it stabs at my heart to think of that evil bastard attacking the most important person in my life. I force my pain down remembering this is all part of the healing process and that we have waited, allowed the necessary time to heal. Now it's the right time to move on through and demonstrate our love.

Drawing the fabric down to her cleavage I bury my face against her chest, kissing and loving every inch of the skin I reveal before letting go of the dress and allowing it to pool at her feet. She steps out forward out of the dress towards me wearing only silky white panties and though I've seen her body before it feels like the first time. I'm left breathless.

My hand travels up her body to her neck and I pull her tight against me, our mouths once again melding. It takes Catherine no time at all to get both her hands inside my shirt and oh how my body reacts. A moan is torn from my throat as her right hand finds my breast and squeezes it firmly. Catherine grins at my reaction and I can feel the aching need building rapidly in my center.

Catherine drags my shirt off my body and bites her lip, wide eyes raking my newly exposed skin. I take her by the hand and lead her to the bed shimmying out of my trousers as I ask her to kneel in the middle. I join her on the bed and Catherine tries to pull me into another kiss but this time I'm having none of it. I chuckle at her frustrated groan as I position myself behind her.

I draw her hair away from her shoulders and begin to leave little soft kisses in its wake. I want to show her just how much she means to me. I need her to know how she should always be treated. Catherine tilts her head to the left offering more succulent skin to my insistent mouth and I won't deny her, or myself. I kiss up, nip at her earlobe and lick back down. The taste of her smooth skin is subtle and delicate and addictive.

I wrap my arm gently around her, my hand sliding over her soft belly and up to her right breast. I massage it slowly but firmly and she whimpers. _God, there's a sound I need to hear again and again and again!_ As I trail my left hand to cup her left breast, repeating my actions, she raises her hand over her head and weaves her fingers into my hair encouraging me to press on.

Catherine's hips start moving of her own accord, showing me just how turned on she is. I lick at her ear as I gently trail one of my hands further south. The heat exhaling from her center makes me moan and deepens my own ache. The beautiful woman in my arms begins to beg for my touch and I'm undone. When I do touch her, Catherine body reacts immediately. I hold her tight and slip my hand into those sexy little panties. With two fingers I so gently ease down and touch her. _God, she's so wet for me_. I drag my fingers over her outer lips which massively increases the volume of her moans.

Catherine knows I'm playing it cautiously and gazes over her shoulder at me. I think she wants to tell me it's ok. Instead of speaking she rests one hand on the bed to support herself and places her hand over mine adding pressure to the touch against her center. Satisfied I've got the hint she moves her hand and watches me over her shoulder to see just how much I'm enjoying touching her.

She is getting closer and closer to orgasm with each second. Her mouth is now open and her eyes are closed. I rub faster and faster until her body literally starts to shake and she screams out in ecstasy, collapsing forwards on the bed her hips still rocking into the covers. I gently extricate my hand and draw her panties off her legs so she's completely naked. Running my fingertips in little circles over her ass I wait for her to come round. When she turns to kiss me I reposition her with the legs open above mine. Her breathing is slow and deep and I don't even need to ask if she is ok. The smile and the glow in her eyes, tells me everything I need to know.

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen," I whisper, caressing her hair. Catherine decides not to answer with words, but with her mouth and her amazing tongue.

Our lips play happily together, pushing, licking and sliding over each other. Kissing Catherine is magical every God damn time. Again I can see the mark over her breast from her attacker but her breasts are mine now so without further thought I grab that breast and pass my tongue right over the hard bud at its center. I enclose the entire nipple, scar and all, in my mouth and start to suckle. Catherine's hands don't leave my scalp as I take my time alternating between each delicious globe.

"Sara…" she voices in a whisper, "I need…"

"I know…"

Placing both hands under her ass, I hold her to me while adjusting my position so I can lay her back on the sheets. I dart little kisses all over her body before taking up my position between her legs. I stare down at her spread open for me and feel my legs immediately go wobbly. This moment is incredible.

I'm still mindful of the need to be careful with her. Penetrative sex for the first time after rape can bring the bad memories flooding back and cause a lot of pain, but through love and patience it gets easier. Catherine gazes into my eyes and I know she's ready. I slide one finger up and down once, coating it in her arousal before sliding it inside her. She moans loudly and her eyes close involuntarily as she feels the penetration. After allowing her to get used to the feeling of one finger inside her I add another but keep them still. I feel her internal walls closing in around my fingers but wait for her to open her eyes and look at me again before starting up a gentle movement. It's me touching her, not him!

Catherine matches my strokes, moving her hips in response to me trying to drive me in further. Being inside her makes me feel so powerful, like I never believed I could. I love her so, so much. She starts moaning continuously as my palm brushes over her clitoris.

"I need you to tell me sweetie…" I say caressing her hair with my free hand. Catherine stops her rocking movement to look straight at me. "I want to taste you, but I will only do that if you let me." she blinked as her eyes start watering again.

"I want you to do it. I need you to do it… I need you…" I'm face to face with her and I crane my neck to give her a passionate kiss before I continue my movement inside of her.

I take her clitoris in my mouth sucking on it while moving my fingers faster in and out of her. She stares down at me the entire time and I make sure I'm looking at her as well. I move my tongue from side to side, flicking at her and listening to the rising moans as I take her right to the edge and then over into another orgasm. This one is much more powerful than the first and her whole body jerks off the bed. I have to hold her hips with my free hand so I don't lose purchase on her. I slow my fingers, licking the juices trickling from her. She tastes amazing. It's my new favorite flavor. I crawl up her body and lie beside her, cradling her to me as her breathing returns to normal again.

"Thank you…"

"For what?" I whisper tenderly.

"For making me feel so amazing," she says softly, putting her head on my shoulder and trailing a finger across my belly.

"You're welcome… I love you." I trace my hand over her back as she drifts to sleep, stopping my movements when I think she's dead to the world. I just have this incredible feeling in me when I'm close to her like this. It's a feeling I never want to end.

"No. Just a little more," she says surprising me.

"Aren't you tired?" I ask, starting up the stroking again.

"A little but I don't want to sleep yet."

"Why not?" Catherine looks at me with a naughty little smirk.

"Because I didn't get my turn yet"

"Sweetie, you don't have to just now," I say tucking a few stray hairs behind her ear, "we have tomorrow." Catherine props herself up on her elbow and looks at me seriously.

"I didn't touch you one single time while you took such incredible care of me. And although I'm feeling great, I need more. I want more. I want you Sara!"

"I just thought maybe it would be better for you to get some sleep, I mean as much as I want you I can wait…"

"Well, you better stop making decisions for me because…" she slides her leg in between mine causing me to shiver in anticipation "… only I know how much I want to touch you and make you scream as you come for me."

Catherine flicks her tongue in my ear, making me giggle. I try making her stop because I'm so ticklish but she ignores me and turns to the other one. _I've never liked this kind of thing before, but now I think I do. I definitely do! _Her hand moves to my back and I raise my torso so she can unclasp the bra I'm still wearing.

There's feral lust in her eyes when she reveals my two breasts, rigid and ready for her touch. I push her for a kiss, but Catherine doesn't let me dominate. I sigh in frustration, my need getting the better of me. Her palms press down on my nipples, hard and I bite my lip, stifling the moan.

Her lips latch onto a straining nipple she suckles greedily, drawing a scream from me that I don't even recognize as mine. My hand winds into her hair and I hold her to me. When she switches nipples, she brings her fingers up to play with the first one. The feelings she is bringing out in me are so powerful and intense that it's possible I could come without so much as one touch between my legs.

"Kiss me. Touch me and kiss me at the same time," I ask needing that closeness. She smiles and closes the distance between our lips, continuing to roll her fingers round my nipples. "No… aah… I… here." I slip her hand inside my panties and Catherine groans into my mouth as she feels just how wet I am for her.

Planting kisses along my chest and belly, Catherine removes the last barrier to my nakedness. Spreading my thighs she takes a moment to inhale my arousal before kissing her way back up to my mouth.

"How do you want me to touch you babe?"

"One finger… up and down… over my clit."

Catherine smiles and begins to stroke exactly as I asked and "And then what?"

"Then… Oh God… wow… uh, then you can do anything you want. I just… just need to feel you before you take me."

"Your wish is my command."

_"oh it feels so great!"_

Catherine reads my body and mind as expertly as if they were her own because she rubs harder when I need her to and slows at just the right moment. I'm making noises I didn't know I could make and I'm writhing uncontrollably underneath her. No one has been able to play me like this before on a first try. She pushes faster and faster and I know I can't hold back. My orgasm rushes over me, hips bucking towards her as she helps me ride the wave of intense pleasure of her creation. She presses me back into the bed as my whole body hovers in the air.

I close my legs to prolong the sensation and she allows me to but only for a few seconds. Catherine spreads my legs again even wider this time and places two fingers at my soaked opening. She plunges them into me fast and deep, pumping, in and out. _Oh dear lord… this is… hmm… _We are both enjoying the moment, the incredible sensations. I know this because she is moaning and whimpering too.

"Please Cat…" I beg, I'm not one to beg, but with her I'll never hesitate. This time there is no question, she knows exactly what I need and want. She adds her mouth expertly into the equation, curling her tongue into me. My body goes into spasm as Catherine pushes further, tasting me wholly. When my second orgasm hits, it is as though the whole world slows to a virtual standstill. I'm full of everything that is Catherine and I even hear her moaning along with me. My head starts to spin and it takes everything I have not to pass out with the intensity.

**tbc...**

The next chapter is the last one of this incredible but difficult journey, not only to the characters but to us as well.


	14. Chapter 14

I wake up, sprawled across the bed, my right arm resting in the empty space that should be filled with a soft, warm body. I sit up, feeling my heart racing, eyes scanning the room and ears straining to pick up any clue as to where she might be. I see most of our clothes still scattered across the floor, well that's a good sign anyway. I run my hand through errant strands of hair, mussed from last night's lovemaking. The Technicolor memories that flood my senses make me smile widely, I almost feel like I'm floating. I'm just about to get out of bed when the door opens and the most beautiful woman in the world walks in carrying a large tray laden with breakfast.

"Good morning my love," Catherine's voice is soft and her eyes twinkling, her mouth curling into an adorable smile. She's wearing one of my shirts which almost but not quite covers her sexy little panties. The sight takes my breath away.

"Good morning gorgeous," I whisper, sitting up and tucking the sheet in around me. "When did you wake up?"

"About half an hour ago. You know you're so cute when you're sleeping. I just couldn't bring myself to wake you up, so I went and made some breakfast for you instead."

I look up at her, my heart soaring. "No one has ever made me breakfast in bed before."

"Well, you better get used to it because it's something I'll be doing a lot for you." Catherine places the tray on my knee and leans in for a soft, open-mouthed kiss.

"Are you going to eat with me?"

Last night at the restaurant, she let me feed her a few times. She sucked the food from my fingers so sexily that I wanted to see it again and again and again. I knew it could rapidly become one of my favorite pastimes. Catherine pretends to think for a few seconds and even though I know she's just toying with me, I make a pleading face. She laughs gently and curls up next to me on the bed.

This woman is radiant. Her full lips embrace each morsel I feed her along with my fingers. Her lazy smile is contagious and I smile along with her. The moment is so sensuous I can't help questioning how I, Sara Sidle, deserved to end up like this. She is as beautiful, sparkling and more precious than all the diamonds in the world and she's mine. She wants me and I want her. It floors me when I think of it. _God I couldn't be happier_.

"I'll be right back" she says picking up the tray after we finish up the food.

"Let me do it" I say, placing my hand on her wrist, stopping her from getting up.

"Oh no, this is my job. And don't tell me about our 'I make it you clean up' deal, because this situation is completely different."

"And why is that?" _God she's gorgeous!_

"Cause I didn't have to do this in the first place. I wanted to. I thought it was a nice way to thank you for a wonderful night, and it is part of the plan that I take care of the dishes, period!"

"Washing the dishes will not change the meaning of your gesture Cat. Or make me less grateful for it. This is the most amazing breakfast I've ever had."

"Then let my gesture be complete baby. Besides, I like to pamper my girlfriends."

"And just how many do you have?" I tease.

"I have all I need…" she answers devouring my lips, "… I have you!" I try to pull her closer but the tray is stuck between us giving me cause for frustration.

Catherine pulls back and just grins at me then leaves the room, an extra sexy little wiggle in her walk especially for me.

I marvel at how things have changed for us. Since Catherine's horrific ordeal we've had each other. I found I could finally look after someone I truly care about in the way I've always wanted and I've certainly learnt what having a family is. Catherine has accepted me and loves me despite all my faults, inadequacies and fears. Knowing that I'm no longer alone fills my heart up so full. I want this feeling to last forever.

Slipping into some clothes I follow my girl to the kitchen. Catherine doesn't look at me but I know she knows I'm here because she's been wearing the sexiest smile ever since I entered. I wait for her to finish up the dishes and as soon as she wrings out the dishcloth and dries her hands I'm behind her pressing my body into hers and trapping her against the sink. I drag the collar of the shirt over her shoulder and place a wet kiss on the warm skin before trailing my tongue up her neck to her ear. Catherine's shivers noticeably and whimpers softly causing yet another satisfied smile to grace my lips.

"Was that difficult?" she chuckles as I allow her the room to turn around.

"To watch you no, I could look at you forever… but to not touch you, now that was tough, very tough!" I bend my head and kiss her long and deep, tasting every part of her mouth like it is the first time I've tasted her. Catherine snakes her arms around my neck and our tongues dance a very sensual dance.

"Is there a reason behind this kiss, besides the fact that you love me?" she asks, breathless. I pull one of her legs up drawing her if possible even closer to me and Catherine smiles responding in kind by wrapping both her legs around my waist.

"Do I need any other reason?" Her mouth immediately finds mine again her tongue invading my mouth and giving me my answer. I stumble forward with her in my arms both of us panting and gasping, until I bump into the edge of the large table which separates the two rooms. I quickly deposit her onto it and lean into her, possessively claiming her mouth, the fire inside me raging.

"Aaahhh… cold! So cold" she fidgets, arching straight back up into me breaking the seal of our lips and trying to get as much of her thighs away from the marble surface as she can. I completely forgot about just how cold it would feel to her hot, flushed skin.

"I'm sorry honey…"

"No… it's ok…"

I begin to lift her off the table with the intention of using the much more satisfactory surface of the sofa but she stops me… her hand wrapped around my tensed forearm. "No… Sara…" I look at her and she's wearing the most intense stare - it's intoxicating. I try to capture her lips but she pulls back from me the intensity of her gaze deepening. I try a second time and she does it again, a third time and Catherine now just laughs at my frustration. I'm about to voice said frustration but before I have chance she has lowered her lips to my neck and is feasting on my skin as her left hand slides down my body towards my panties.

I moan and whimper at the sensation but manage to get hold of myself long enough to remember that I'm in charge this time. I snatch her hand away and hold it behind her back. Catherine groans but she gets the message. This is my show. I'll be the one doing the 'doing' and she'll just have to hold on for the ride.

With Catherine still holding herself against me to avoid the cold marble, I slide my palms under her shirt and begin to roughly massage her breasts dragging the shirt higher with each movement. As her breasts come into view I groan in lustful delight. _God she is so damn sexy!_

"Like what you see huh?" she asks cockily as my pupils dilate and my mouth begins to water. I answer her with the curling of my tongue around one hard nipple causing a whimper followed by a grunt in quick succession. "I'll take that as a yes," she whispers breathlessly, arching to push as much of her into my mouth as she can.

I take thorough care of both of her breasts before finally ignoring the surface and pushing her down on the table. "Oohhhh…" Catherine writhes uncontrollably, tipping her head back and arching her torso off the marble as my hand travels down from her neck, between her breasts and down over her belly. Once, twice, three times I repeat this gesture, the third time stopping to squeeze her nipples briefly on the way.

I lower my lips to kiss her belly dipping my desperate tongue into her navel. Hooking a finger into the crotch of her panties, I pull them to one side and dip my head to smell her. I allow the moan to escape me freely as the scent of her arousal invades my senses. "Oh, so good!" Catherine raises her hips so I can take off the last and most important piece of clothing. Spreading her legs apart wide, I stare down at her pink center, which is completely open and so, so wet for me. I smell her again before allowing my tongue to part her folds and begin licking the length of her pussy with eagerness. I hold her legs tightly so she can't squirm away as I focus intently on her clit, sucking and licking and gently grazing the swollen bud with my teeth.

Catherine is moaning non-stop and I have to say, it's the most incredible sound I ever heard. I would willingly narrow my range of hearing down to this one sound only, if I could hear it continuously for the rest of my life. I lap my tongue at her soaked opening, teasing her one final time before finally pushing two fingers up inside her.

"Oh fuck, jeez!"

"But I am already fucking you babe." I smirk and whisper against her folds.

She is writhing around on the table keeping as little skin-contact as possible with the chilled surface whilst riding my fingers hard as I work them into her faster and deeper. I'm no longer able to maintain purchase on her clit with my tongue her frantic movements are making it impossible. I slip a third finger inside her keeping up with the pace she is setting.

There are no longer over-cautious thoughts of banishing the demons of her assault; this is about the two of us caught in our own moment, in our need to be connected at the most basic and intimate of levels. Every sense is filled with raw passion.

Her body rises into each of my touches, undulating up and down with the rhythm, her breathing so wonderfully ragged and her chest heaving. There is sweat beading on her forehead and in the valley between her magnificent breasts. God she is so beautiful, so responsive. I'm soaking my own panties just from the sight of what I'm doing to her, watching my fingers disappear into her time and time again. _Oh God!_ I can feel myself throbbing, pulsing desperate for a release of my own.

I press my groin against the edge of the table, adding some much needed pressure to my situation. My ears are filled with her rising moans and the sloppy, wet fucking noises we're creating. It's primal, it's obscene and without doubt, the hottest thing I've ever experienced in my life.

Her eyes are squeezed shut which given the intensity is no surprise but I want to see them. I want to stare into her eyes as she comes and I know that she is only moments away from doing just that. "Cat, open your eyes." Her only response is a whimper forced out on a panted breath but her eyes remain closed. I grab her arm and raise her body towards me. "I said, look… at… me!" It's an effort for her but she eventually succeeds and I find myself seared by her gaze.

With one arm around her upper back I crook the fingers inside her reaching for her g-spot. Our foreheads are resting together, eyes locked onto each others when I finally hit it and she screams. Yes screams. Not a moan, not a whimper but a full blown screaming cry of ecstasy. Two more thrusts against the same spot and she's shaking, gripping my fingers, her rocking now completely devoid of rhythm and her eyes almost rolling back in their sockets. She's desperately working to keep them open for me. God I'm so close to actually coming with her, there's a lake between my legs and I know that one swirl of a finger round my pulsing clit would send me over the edge too.

"Aaaaah… AAAH… SAARAAA…"

She winds her arms around me and places her sweaty forehead against my neck. I can feel her trembling into me. I hold her tightly. My fingers are still inside her and as I allow them to gently slip out I feel a wetness trickling down my neck.

"Catherine?" I lean back and prize her away from me so I can see her face. _Oh my god!_ _She's crying._ "Catherine, honey? Oh God I'm so sorry, I…" She shakes her head and tries to clear her throat but her voice is small and cracked.

"I love you!" She caresses my face and my own eyes fill with tears in response to the ones falling unabated down her cheeks. I kiss her softly on the forehead, lift her from the table and walk us to the bedroom placing her gently on the bed, removing my few clothes and climbing beside her. Pulling the sheet over us I mould myself to her, our legs entwining and our eyes meeting again.

I open my mouth to speak but she interrupts me. "I have never felt so loved, so wanted, so precious… to anyone. I love you more than I thought it was possible to love someone…" _Ok, now I'm crying_. She brushes my tears with her thumb and leans in to kiss me. I know what she means, because I never thought any kind of love would be on the cards for me in my life, never mind a love like this. Her voice lowers, "…and I have never been fucked like that, you let yourself feel your desire, your need and you act upon it, which from someone so private and at times insecure, is a real demonstration of how good it makes you feel when you touch me. Love is about trust. I trust you with my body and my heart and my life Sara Sidle." The last part she whispers right into my mouth.

I feel so safe as I curl into her embrace. Wrapping my own arms around her, we doze together in the morning sunshine that is cascading in through the picture window.

*

I wake to Catherine's fingers caressing my inner thigh and the suspended feelings from earlier flood back to me, my body reacts in an instant. "I think it's my turn to play, don't you?" she whispers, a saucy glint in her eye. She wastes no time waiting for my response before parting my folds and dragging a wet forefinger to my clit which has oh too quickly reverted to the state it was in while I had her on the table. "I'm going to make you come, and come and come…" Her insistent and skilled pressure yields her with my first orgasm within sixty seconds but as she promised, it is only the tip of the iceberg.

The entire morning we remain locked in the bedroom with Catherine showing me just how much my body can handle. She has me screaming in ecstasy time after time after time until finally I pass out unable to take any more.

Catherine falls beside me, breathing heavily. I feel her wrapping me into her embrace one more and it isn't long before I'm asleep again, hardly surprising given the morning's activities. My body is exhausted.

When I wake up again, she is sleeping with me. I rest my cheek on my hand so I can really look at her. I don't think I'll ever get tired of looking at her. Catherine hugs her pillow with the one arm she's wrapped around it and sighs deeply. I can tell by the smile that appears on her beautiful face that whatever she is dreaming is good. I have to fight the urge to wake her up just to ask her what it is.

It's a good few minutes before Catherine's eyes slowly flutter open. I plant a kiss on her forehead, cheeks and finally her lips. Catherine moves her head just enough to feel my entire lips, making me smile.

"You ok?" she asks, lifting her head off her pillow and replanting it on mine.

"I'm perfect!"

"Good, me too!"

"I'm going to take a shower now. Why don't you sleep a little more and I'll wake you after I've made us some lunch?"

"What time is it?"

"Almost two-thirty."

"Wow. It is late."

"We have all the time in the world… and another night in the cabin of luuurve."

Catherine giggles at my tone. "Oh Sara I don't think I ever want to leave, I'm too happy here."

"Me too but we have to remember Lindsey!" I grin and wink at her.

"Well we can bring her here and all of us can live here - forever. She can learn at home with you as her teacher. You know almost everything and what you don't know, you always find a way to know."

"Haha, wow you really have an over-inflated opinion of me."

"No I don't Sara, you're incredible and Lindsey and I are very lucky." She leans in close kissing my lips with renewed passion. I'd answer her, tell her something about just how lucky _I_ feel, but right now my mouth is too full of her tongue.

She pulls back with a happy sigh. "I think I'm going to wait for you and go take my shower while you cook." Well that's my cue to get a move on. I send her a winning smile before closing the bathroom door behind myself.

*

While she showers I fetch the spare clothes I brought for her and leave them on the bed. I prepare my special macaroni and cheese - a patented Sidle original recipe - and while it's in the oven I set the table on the patio. Just as I rest the dish on the hot-plate, Catherine appears all shower-fresh and in the clothes I laid out for her.

"You are always prepared, aren't you?" she whispers hugging me from behind, nuzzling my neck and gently biting my earlobe. I press my lips together tightly to stop myself moaning.

"I try…"

"Mhmm" she rubs her nose against my cheek. I love this cuddly, soft side of her. Correct that, I love every side of her, even the stubborn one. "Thanks for the clothes honey."

"You're welcome. We're eating outside if that's okay with you?"

Catherine takes her seat and smiles broadly as I dish out my specialty.

I watch with satisfaction as she takes her first bite and her eyes squeeze shut with approval. If there's one thing Sara Sidle can cook, it's mac and cheese. "Sara this is delicious!"

"Yeah I know." We both giggle at my sudden over-confidence and get stuck into the pasta.

"You know, I think we should talk to Grissom soon…" Catherine says after a while. I have been thinking about that myself for days now but I didn't want to bring it up, not yet anyway, but now that she has, I guess we really do have to discuss it. My lack of an immediate reply has her continuing her train of thought. "…if not because of work then because of his feelings for you."

"What?" Now that got a response.

"Oh come on Sara, it's obvious he cares about you as more than a colleague."

"So what, he'd never have the courage to pursue whatever feelings he has anyway." I immediately regret my words as soon as they leave my lips and see the look on her face. "Catherine, I don't like, love or want Grissom anymore, I want you… there would be no chance for him ever with me… because he can never be you!"

A little smirk appears on her face. "I think I'm getting your message sexy… but… well after his reaction to finding out about my predilection for women I dread to think how he's going to react to know I've got my claws into the one woman he truly cares for." Ok, this is why I didn't want to discuss it now. The knot of nerves in my stomach tightens over the thought of revealing our relationship.

"What about Ecklie? You know we'll not be allowed to work the same cases again don't you?" I know how those slime ball defense attorneys would use our relationship to drag us and the lab through the mud just to get their clients off.

"We'll just have to take one step at a time."

"Well if the worst comes to the worst I'll get another job. I mean I love my job but it's nothing compared to how much I love you." I see tears pricking in her eyes.

"I think we're getting ahead of ourselves. We'll talk to Grissom and go from there. We're both too good at our jobs for them to lose either of us." She leans over and begins to stroke my hand. "It'll work out Sara, we've got through a hell of a lot in our lives, both of us... and now finally something wonderful has happened and I'm sure as hell not gonna let anything spoil that or come between us!"

I kiss her again, there's nothing on earth like kissing Catherine Willows. We both know there's to be no more talk of Grissom and work this afternoon, this is our time. "You fancy exploring the woods this afternoon?"

"I can think of another way for us to have fun," she says pressing her body against mine touching my skin under my shirt.

"My Cat, you are insatiable."

"Well, it wasn't my idea to wait so long for us to finally do this, was it? And now you will have to face the consequences…" she whispers the last part as she slips her hand down into my panties. She pushes at my centre with two fingers causing yet another loud moan to escape from my throat.

"I thought I already did" My body is reacting to her yet again and it'd be oh so easy to let her carry on and take me all the way but I want us to actually do something other than just have sex today. I want to walk hand in hand with her. "Cat, no, not now… I want us to…uuhhh… can we…" I still her hand so I can finally get out what I need to say. "I want to take a walk with you. We can do this some other time, ok? Right now I want to just spend time outdoors in your company."

"Sure. Later." Catherine makes a thing of withdrawing her fingers sustaining maximum contact, running each of them over my clit as she reluctantly relinquishes her place in my pants.

"Thank you." I don't know what I'm thanking her for. She's put me in that slightly uncomfortable state of arousal yet again. How I'm going to walk in this state beats me.

"Though I already could feel your knees going weak," she whispers as she sucks her fingers into her mouth.

Ugh, this woman is going to be the death of me – but hey, what a way to go! "Of course you did, my knees are in a permanent weak state around you, but I do want to at least attempt to take a romantic walk with you and unfortunately we can't do that with your hand between my legs."

"Really? We can't?" she teases. "Ok, let's go then."

We manage a lovely walk, hand-in-hand. The woods are literally teeming with birds, Nick would love it here. Many of these birds have to bear witness to the two new love-birds on the block necking like teenagers against random trees. Back at the house, we curl up together on the sofa listening to another of my CD's, this is perfect.

*

"Maybe we should go together," Catherine says as we stop in front of Grissom's office. She is very concerned about this and so am I but we've already agreed on our approach and I think its best we stick to it. We've both come in early so we can get this done.

"I'd rather you were beside me in there too, but knowing Grissom I think it is better for me to do this alone. He may want to ask questions that with you there he just wouldn't have the courage to ask and the clearer we are with this, the better. There can be no room for misunderstanding."

"Ok, but I'll be waiting right here."

"I love you Cat."

"I love you too. Good luck in there."

I knock on the door and don't wait for him to say anything before I put my head inside.

"Griss, have you got a few minutes spare? I need to talk to you…" Grissom raises his head from his paperwork, a puzzled expression on his face. It looks like he's about to dismiss me so I quickly interject, "…it's important!" He removes his glasses and nods to the chair opposite.

I suddenly feel very nervous. Staring at my palms I desperately try to remember what I'm supposed to say to him.

"Griss, I know that you and I have danced around this topic for a long time but I really have to make us both uncomfortable and bring it up."

Grissom shifts nervously in his seat, his brow furrowing. "Sara, we can't." I look up from my palms slightly surprised that he's said anything so soon. "Sara, I'm your supervisor, your boss. In any other circumstances we could have…"

"Gil, stop!" He looks surprised at the use of his first name. Not half as surprised as he's going to be I'm sure. "Griss, there isn't ever going to be a 'you and me', it's not what I want anymore." Yep, there are the beginnings of shock registering on his face. It's alright for him to say he can't be with me but for me, dependable Sara, who he thought would always wait around for him, to be saying she doesn't want him? Well, he's floored.

"I'm sorry that I pushed you at times but you know the fact that you didn't have the guts to try 'us' made me realize something. I saw something that I'd missed. Something that had been right in front of me the whole time but I had been blinded by my feelings for you."

"I'm in love Grissom. I mean head-over-heels, butterflies in the stomach in love. It's everything I thought I'd never find and more. It's the kind of love that is forever." His face takes on a sickly grey pallor and if he wasn't already sitting I know he'd have fallen over.

"Grissom, this is hugely difficult for me because you are my friend and I don't want to hurt you but you have to know, we both need you to know." His eyebrows flick up as he realizes it's someone he knows, worse someone on the team. I hate seeing him like this but then again he has brought this on himself to a certain degree, and the way he treated Catherine after discovering her sexuality caused her such pain that I'm loathed to feel sorry for him.

"Nicky?" His voice is weak.

I shake my head and his brows furrow further as if he's trying to imagine me with Greg or Warrick or heaven forbid Hodges or Brass and is failing to see it gel. His mind is right. It won't gel because it would never happen. He's completely missed it. His brain hasn't even entertained the idea. Oh well, it's now or never. I clench my palms and screw up every last ounce of courage I have and open my mouth. As I lock eyes with the suddenly aged, tired eyes in front of me I see the penny drop.

"Ca…" His mouth won't say her name but he knows, now he knows. I nod meekly.

"I'm in love with Catherine." My words hang in the stuffy atmosphere of the bugman's office like miniature time-bombs as we both stare at each other, the full impact still waiting to be felt. After an age he speaks. He sounds like a little old man.

"You're in love with Catherine?" I nod again, knowing his repetition is purely him trying to get the information to sink in. "Our Catherine? Catherine Willows?" This time I just stare at him. "What do you want me to say Sara?"

There are tears in the corners of his eyes. My God the man is all but crying. "Grissom, I know this is hard for you, but you didn't want me, or probably more accurately wouldn't risk it all for me. I heard you after the Debbie Marlin case. I heard what you said to Doctor Lurie. Catherine? Catherine wants me. She wants to risk it all for me. She wants me to be a part of her family. She loves me Grissom as much as I love her." The broken shell of a man in front of me looks into my eyes and I know what he's going to say. "Don't say it!" He stops short of opening his mouth. "I deserve this Grissom. I deserve my chance at happiness… I deserve… her!" And for the first time in my life I actually believe my words.

The silence stretches out between us as Grissom grapples with his new-found knowledge.

"Where is Catherine?"

"She's sat outside. We thought it would be better if I told you this alone." He nods lost somewhere deep in his thoughts.

"Bring her in." I look at him wide-eyed.

"Are you sure?"

"Call her in Sara." There's a resignation in his voice as though he's finally realized he's lost. Now there's just the matter of whether he will be gracious in defeat. Knowing Grissom, I'd say that there's no other way for him to behave.

Catherine nervously joins us in the room studying Grissom's demeanor and wondering what's coming next. I shut the door as Catherine takes a seat. I stand with my arms folded defensively just in front of the door.

"Catherine, do you love her?"

Catherine seems surprised by the directness of the question, or maybe it's by the broken tone in the man's voice. She looks round at me before answering him. "Yes I love her Gil." My heart soars just as it does every time she says those words.

He nods to himself as though that's the final confirmation he needs. He roots around on his desk until he digs out an envelope which he hands to Catherine. We both frown at him wondering what is going on but there is no explanation forthcoming, he merely points to the envelope in answer to our questioning looks.

Catherine opens the envelope and studies its contents carefully before looking up at our boss. "I trust you will note the auspicious timing of this in the circumstances." I shake my head puzzled as to what the letter contains. Catherine reaches for my hand and I walk towards her taking a seat next to her. She hands me the letter.

She got her promotion. As of next month she will be the new swing shift supervisor. I couldn't be happier for her and I immediately pull her into a hug before remembering exactly where we are. As Grissom indicated, I don't miss the importance of the timing of this to our new-found relationship. It means we won't be in violation of lab policy.

"Congratulations Catherine."

"Thank you Gil."

"Well, it seems there is no more to be said, so I'll see you in an hour for assignments." He turns back to his paperwork with a deep sigh.

Just as we open his door to leave he looks up one last time. "Look after her Catherine, love her like she deserves to be loved… like I never could."

"Always"

As we close the door behind us I pull her to the locker room and draw her into an embrace not caring about where we are or who might see. We both allow tears of relief to fall. Everything is going to be okay.

"Sara?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Move in with me, with Lindsey and me?"

What? Did she really just ask me that? My heart leaps. But hang on, I need to be sure that Lindsey is okay with this. I don't want to invade the little girl's home and life so soon. Catherine reads my mind, as she has gotten so good at doing lately.

"I asked Lindsey this morning."

"You what?"

"Lindsey's a clever girl. She knows what's going on between us. She knows I love you so I asked her what she would think to you moving in with us."

"And what did she say?"

"She said she thought I'd never ask you and was apparently going to ask you herself if I didn't hurry up about it."

"She said that?"

"She said that, Sara. She loves you and we both want you in our lives, in our home. I know it's not been long but I…"

"Yes!"

"You will?"

"Yes!"

"Oh, Sara…" Our mouths meet and I push her against the lockers deepening our kiss, it would seem we have an awful lot to be celebrating right now. As I push my body flush against hers I hear someone clearing their throat and turn to see a smirking Warrick.

"Damn ladies, don't let me stop you."

"WARRICK?" Catherine's voice is a squeak.

"Well what did you expect, making out with your new squeeze in the locker room? Someone was going to catch you." He's taking it all in his stride but then I knew he already knew there was something between us. After his apology and our conversation in Catherine's kitchen and the way he stepped in to help me out when the other guys asked how I knew they were going to be there. Yeah he knew. "Just a good job it was me and not Grego." He wiggles his eyebrows to make his point.

"Look 'Rick…" I begin, "we…"

"Sara, I won't say a word, but if that's how the pair of you go about keeping secrets then don't be surprised if people start finding out," he teased gently.

"You're okay about it?" Catherine seems disconcerted by Warrick's lack of surprise over finding us playing tonsil hockey actually against _his_ locker.

"Catherine, if Sara makes you happy then what do I have not to be okay about?"

Catherine relaxes and smiles. "Thank you Warrick, you have no idea how much that means to hear you say that."

"She's good for you Cath. You're good for each other." Now we're both grinning at him. "Now can I get in my locker please?"

We shuffle somewhat embarrassedly out of his way still hand-in-hand.

Warrick leaves the locker room with some random joke about Greg finding us in a compromising situation.

"You want to go out for dinner tomorrow night, you me and Lindsey? I think we should celebrate. We can tell Lindsey about your promotion."

"She'll be more excited about you moving in!"

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah, after I asked her it's all she could talk about all the way to school."

"So you fancy it?"

"It's a date!"

Catherine leaves me, complete with unshakable grin, to sort through my stuff in my locker as she goes to see if her Ballistics results are in from her B&E case yet.

I'm left to mull over all the things that have happened in the last few months and where it has led us. Something awful had to happen for us to finally see what we mean to each other. Out of the pain and anguish and heartbreak has emerged something so special, so amazing. We both have our chance to be happy and we both want to seize that chance with both hands. I finally feel grounded. I've found my family and I've found my future with the woman of my dreams. We have had our time to heal and now it is our time to live. To live, to love and to be happy… together!

**The End**

**Oh my... I can't believe I actually finish this fic. ****It took me weeks to write her in Portuguese, more then a year to translate her to English (and I really thought on giving up, lots of times) and a long time before publishing her b****ut damn, it was worth it. SO WORTH IT! Hope you guys enjoy the road with our favorito csi's characters.**

**Special thanks to…**

**1) Debbie - My super beta, and now my friend, who didnt ****have to do this for me. A completely stranger from across the ocean but did it anyway.**

**ps. Girl, I'll be forever grateful for your help. You made wonderful things in my fic and was able to write what I always wanted to write but couldn't. ****I know it was a big challenge for you and that's why I don't know how to thank you enough. Thank you!! Thank you!! Thank you!! ****I really hope to work with you soon. But first I want more chapters on 'high five' and 'come ride with me' ok? Please?**

**2) To everyone who ****follow the girls in to this big ordeal before finding true happiness a****nd for the ones who also found time to leave me a review. I never expected to get so much of them. And even less reach the mark of one hundred reviews so thank you. You guys are great, really great!! **


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